Shelby's Journey

The First Week of School

2011-10-02T15:08:00.002-05:00

Do you ever have that dream where you are under water and you can almost get your mouth to the surface but then you get sucked down? Luckily, I can breath underwater and run effortlessly in my dreams. But I can imagine that the drowning dream is akin to the last few months of my life. It's been crazy ever since Beck was born. I should have blogged about it but . . . you know.

Anyway, as once again I have completed the obligatory "I haven't blogged because. . ." , we can get on with things like THE FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL. Sadly, this won't be a post about their perfect hair or cleanliness or how organized I am. Far from it. Imagine if someone picked up your house and turned it on its side and you still had to function. That's about how that week felt. I had taken on too many projects (stupid pinterest.) AND Lexi was coming to visit. The kids are lucky they went to school at all.

We made it until ten-thirty on Thursday unscathed. But then the nurse called.

Please read in your most "old-lady perfume" voice:

"Mrs. Stroud, hiiii. I have Camryn here in my office. She said you wouldn't let her have breakfast and she's shaky and weak."

Flashback a few hours and you'll see Camryn laying on the floor and me pulling her almost lifeless body to the shower. A few minutes later that same Camryn will be lying on the floor wearing only a towel and will require being dragged to her closet. This went on for TWO HOURS. During that time I asked her exactly 576 times to please eat breakfast. As 4/5ths of us were walking out to the car, Camryn grabs a bowl for some cereal.

Please read in your most "I want to take you out to the desert and leave you with a canteen, a book and a note for whomever finds you" voice:

"Sorry Cams, too late. YOu cAn't haVe CerEaL. You can have a granola bar, gogurt, or a banana in the car."

Read in a Banshee voice:

"I HATE ALL OF THOSE THINGS!!!!"

Now read my response in the same voice as before but cover it in syrup because the neighbor kid is there:

"OK, I'm sure glad you ate a lot when we went out last night because you're going to have to wait until lunch."

Flash forward. I tell the nurse that Camryn CHOSE not to eat. She said,"We-elll, that may be true but she says she al-so didn't get enough dinner last night . . ." Ugh. Whatever. I tell the nurse that that is true and that she should feed her as many saltines as she has because I won't be feeding her again for quite some time.

Oh well. I went back to doing things that in no way help me to prepare for the arrival of my sister or help me finish any of my 32 projects.

1:30 pm. Same day:

"Mrs. Stroud, hiiiiiiiiii. Don't worry, nobody is hurt. It isn't even about Camryn. I have Mason in my office and apparently while he was out at recess he found a dead cicada that was covered in maggots. He chose to put it in his pocket, so I made him change his shorts. I just wanted to inform you so that you wouldn't be concerned when he came home in different shorts."

"Oh, neat. Ok. Hey- do you want me to stop by and pick up my You're Awesome award or do we have to wait until the end of the year? It seems like just a formality at this point . . ."

The end.

FYI - I googled "dead cicada +maggots". I don't recommend that. Here's just a dead cicada.

New Shark Week Blog

2011-07-31T16:04:00.003-05:00

http://oursharkweek.blogspot.com/

We have tons of crafts, food and games planned. We have already trimmed the shark tree... or something. Check it out . . . later today . . . when I finish it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ /\ ~~~~~~ \O/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~ !

HAPPY SHARK WEEK!

Baby Beckham

2011-07-27T11:15:00.010-05:00

Starting about last December, when people would ask me when I was due, I'd say,"May 27 but I'm having him May 7." I had made up my mind that I was getting that sucker out the first Saturday after he was full-term. It would be perfect. Jaymee wouldn't have to miss work, I'd get to stop being pregnant (which I hate with the fire of a thousand suns), I'd get to be away from home on Mother's Day (a long-standing tradition in my home so that my family can stay alive), it's my best friend Mami's birthday, he'd be old enough to travel to Utah for Jamey's wedding in June . . . it was brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

So I rubbed my belly and told it the plan. May 7. May 7. May 7. On May 2nd I started having contractions and went in to the hospital. They sent me to the mall to walk and walk and walk and then come back when the labor gotten bad enough that I killed somebody in Naartjie. Six hours later, the contractions had stopped altogether. It was fine with me because I still had some stuff to do and he wasn't supposed to come until MAY 7.

On May 6, I went to lunch with a bunch of friends and they joked with me,"tomorrow's the big day, right?!" I affirmed that it was indeed. There was some eye-rolling but I told my uterus to pay them no mind. They didn't know the deal we had made.

About 6am on May 7, I woke up with hard contractions. Jaymee woke up to laughter. Ha! Ha! It's May 7 and I'm in labor! We called Mami and told her she could have all the Cardinals tickets because we were heading to hospital! Stop by after the game to see the baby! We got our stuff together and left. When we arrived, they confirmed I was indeed in labor and gave me an epidural within 30 seconds of getting there, bless their hearts. About that time I got a snarky text from Amy saying, "how's the hooossspital??" I told her everything was great and I had just gotten my epi. WHAT?! Ah ha ha ha. So funny.

(our three seconds together)

Everything went perfectly. No pain. A push and a half and I was done. It's easy to deliver a five pound baby. I saw him for about three seconds and they stole him and started freaking out. Well, as much as baby docs freak out. Baby Beckham couldn't breathe. SO they whisked him away to the NICU to live for the next eight days. Poor little guy.

(poor little guy)

(Mother's Day. It was a very fancy NICU. Ties were NOT optional)

They hooked him up to a bunch of monitors and machines and put so much tape on his face that his eyes swelled shut. He had only seen the world for about and hour. Sad. The first day they let me hold him. I spent all my time with him. The next day, they wouldn't let me hold him and they wouldn't let him eat. Did I mention poor little guy? It was killing me. They kept telling me that I'd be able to hold him "tomorrow". Then on tomorrow, they'd tell me the same thing again. I should have been blogging back then but I was sad and didn't want to be away from his bedside for one minute. On Tuesday they discharged me (no discharge cookies this time). I went to live in the NICU and then on a hard chair in the hall when I wasn't allowed in there. They took pity on my and let me back in my room for another two nights. On Tuesday night he took a turn for the worse and they had to intubate him. (PLG - poor little guy) Whatever they gave him while intubated did the trick and he turned around within twelve hours. On Wednesday I was holding him and feeding him a drop or two (they are stingy). But that night I had to go home. No empty rooms. Just empty arms as I left the hospital which is 45 minutes away. That was awful. I was back first thing in the morning and he was moved on to just oxygen through a nasal canula instead of the big apap thing. They took some of the tape off his face. I could almost see it. When I got there on Friday morning, they had taken off even more tape and I could see his whole face. Man was he cute. He even opened his eyes for the first time in a week.

He was eating like a champ and they said he could go home if he passed the "car seat test".

(Look how tiny! It's like that old skit with the girl in the HUGE chair. Was that Hee-Haw?)

We brought him home and I realized that I had been so worried about him at the hospital that I hadn't remembered that I had had a baby. I was fine. I had been taking my meds like clockwork and somehow didn't even notice the healing. It was so bad with Preslie that I was crying for days. Tender mercy much?

(ten days old. can anyone resist a baby yawn?)

So that's what happened. Geez. Get off my back and let me go snuggle with the cutest baby ever. He's my best friend.

PS We sold Fiyero (the bird eating cat) and Hinckley got a fish hook through his paw that had to be removed by the vet. The turtle is fine. Suckers.

SHARK WEEK!!

2011-07-24T16:58:00.000-05:00

As you know, Shark Week is next week. Is all your shopping done? Treats made? Crafts planned? Every year I think I'll get everything done by June so I can just kick back and enjoy the holiday, but here I am once again scurrying to get it all done.

I can check the "Shark Week T Shirts" off my list. If you haven't gotten to it, you can have some of mine. Just let me know by 8am, July 26th. $10 +$3 shipping. Paypal.

hi. i promise.

2011-07-24T16:57:00.000-05:00

"Dear Shelby. We are all tired of your bobbed tail cat. We discussed it at lunch the other day, all 7 of us. Please show a picture of your newest child and write something un-pet related. Love, all 7 of us at Bazzill"

I promise to write about my baby, etc. by Wednesday. If not, I'll pay you a dollar. Sorry Bazzill Seven.

Bobtail Cats

2011-04-20T16:25:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, Camryn threw an amazing and barely death-defying tantrum before school. On her way out to the car she slammed the door going into the garage with all her 10 year-old might and in the process chopped off Hinckley's tail. He had to have the part that remained surgically amputated and now wears a cone of shame.

That is the animal news of the day. Do I have the right to cut off one of Camryn's fingers? A toe? What is appropriate in this situation?

And

2011-03-04T18:24:00.000-06:00

I'm bored of pregnant.

More Carnage

2011-03-04T18:11:00.004-06:00

Another pet gone. I won't go on and on. This is not a dead animal blog. I won't say it was Oscar and he was the best pet I ever had. I won't tell you about how he never left my side the entire time I was sick. How he went in to bathroom with me when I puked and down to the fridge with me to eat some of Darlene's pie at 2am. That every time I blogged he was sitting behind me on my chair. I won't tell you that he slept by me for ten years. Because this is not a dead pet blog.

I will tell you that I am weak-hearted and have had a very hard time. It's been two weeks and I still cry. What a baby I am. I guess I'm a crazy cat lady. He didn't come to bed one night and then I never saw him again. He had kidney disease and probably wandered off to die. That's part of the problem. I just don't know. Maybe he was translated.

Maybe I replaced him with a maniac himalayan kitten. We named him Hinckley so he will be cute, wise and live forever.

The Horror! The Horror!

2011-01-24T19:48:00.003-06:00

As I contemplate the overall contents of this blog, I realize that a large portion of it is dedicated to animals. Mostly animals that die. Maybe I should make a separate blog for dead animal stories. But I won't. I'll continue to share here the terror I have faced on about a bi-annual basis.

Sometime in October a place opened in my little town called "Oasis Exotic Birds". Being a lover of all things feathered, I took my kids there one Thursday. They had a bunch of cockatiels in a little glass pen and you could hold them and play with them all you want. I was permitted to go in the other room and grab me a cockatoo or macaw. It was so fun and the birds were so sweet. So sweet that we started going every Thursday after school. One little gray cockatiel decided it loved Sienna. It would get so excited when she came in that it would leap to her shoulder and nestle into her hair. It would tell her all kinds of bird stories in her ear that the rest of us couldn't understand. Stories about eating seeds and looking around, mostly.

Finally at Christmas we brought him home. He had been "Murphy" to us for some time already, so we didn't need to name him. Sienna was as happy as I have ever seen her. She fed him and held him and cleaned his cage. All the kids loved him. He was a sweet, sweet bird.

Do you feel foreboding?

We decided to bring his cage down to the kitchen so we could all spend more time with him. He was out of his cage as much as he was in it. Always on somebody's shoulder. Friday morning we caught Fiyero, our wild leopard cat (who is a jerk) eyeing Murphy's cage and licking his chops. Sienna was nervous and moved the table even farther away. Then I took her to school.

Dun dun duhhhhhh.....

When I came back I woke Mason up and made him breakfast. I went in the other room to turn on the lights for our box turtle Gregory Von Turtlestein. Then it all started. Mason started screaming,"I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY!". I ran in there to see Fiyero running out with the bird in his mouth. I chased him screaming out of the house into the 2° weather. In my t-shirt I ran around the back and down the hill falling through bushes and trees as I went. I caught him but it was too late. Murphy's neck was broken. He was dead and I was pregnant and lying in the snow. I took him back inside and held him until he was no longer warm. Mason was a wreck. He wasn't supposed to take him out without me or Sienna with him. He hid behind the curtains and sobbed. Camryn came down and wailed as only she can. She could be a professional mourner. It would be a good use of her talents.

Preslie didn't care.

Luckily, Sienna was at school.

Mason pulled himself together and I took him to school. I figured it would be a good way to take his mind off it all. I came back home and climbed in bed and shook and cried. I'm so glad I haven't had to deal with horrifying "people" incidents instead of animals because I would not be ok. Jaymee told the kids to never get hurt or die because "Mom would implode." It's probably true. It wasn't that I was sad for my own loss. It was that it was traumatic and horrifying and I knew it would be the worst day of Sienna's life. I dreaded telling her. How could I tell her? How could she forgive Mason? How could she forgive our jerk cat if he ever came home... he may have been kicked. . . can't be sure... it's all a blur.

Jaymee came home early and we went to pick her up together. I told her we had to talk and started crying yet again. I said,"Fiyero..." and she looked horrified so I thought she understood. Jaymee finished my sentence (gingerly) so I could sob,"ate your bird." She said,"PHEW!! I thought the baby died. Then I thought Fiyero died. I'm glad it was only the bird." I guess that's a good way to tell somebody difficult news. "Mom? Dad? I'm dying of cancer - yep. A week to live ... just kidding. I'm just gay." Phew.

It's a BOY!

2011-01-19T08:45:00.001-06:00

And he is cute. There was a little red flag on his ultrasound but we're hoping it's nothing. Keep him in your prayers.

Will someone come take down my Christmas tree?

Words to live by

2010-11-21T07:30:00.000-06:00

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived."

— Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Miracles

2010-11-17T19:36:00.006-06:00

When you've been given a miracle as big as your LIFE, it's hard to ask for more. I've seen my share of miracles. I've been part of miracles.

During our first year of medical school we quickly ran out of money. I was working part time at a florist while Jaymee watched Sienna while studying at home. Other days, I babysat for a very generous family in our ward. But it wasn't enough. We were broke and still had a lot of bills coming up before our next loan in January. We tallied them up and figured if we only ate ramen noodles until January, we could get by on $478. We didn't tell our family. But we did tell Heavenly Father. We told Him that we had paid our tithing our whole lives and we needed the windows of heaven to open up and dump out $478. The next day I took Sienna out to get the mail and there was a card from Jaymee's grandma Blanche. Odd, she had never written us before. I opened the card and a check for $500 fell out. The note said,"I felt like you needed this." She is not well off and had never given us money before. She's a good lady whom Heavenly Father felt he could inspire and she would respond with generosity. I cried and cried. I still do. But here's the kicker - the next day I went out to the mailbox and there was a card from my grandma Tot. With a check. For $500. And a note about how she felt we needed it. So not only were we blessed with what we needed, the Lord blessed us double. Miracle.

Which brings me to today. When I had cancer, I asked the Lord to spare my life. My prayers were answered and I have felt so humbled and grateful for the gift that I haven't felt like I could ask for more. But there was something I wanted. I felt strongly that my family was incomplete. I didn't feel like I deserved it and had already been given too much. Mami told me it was ok to ask because it was a righteous desire. So we started asking. And fasting. No one more than Sienna. She asked in every prayer. Every blessing on the food.

When I went to see my oncologist in April, I told her we had been trying but with no luck. She told me that was crazy. I already have four beautiful kids and I'M ALIVE. Wasn't that enough? And she thought the world was overpopulated anyway. I left feeling sad and wishing I could be satisfied. I really wanted to be satisfied. I felt ungrateful! But I wasn't satisfied.

Next I started seeing my OB. I told him what I wanted and he was not hopeful. I got a lot of tests and bloodwork done and he was even less hopeful. He called me with the results and offered his condolences. According to my FSH levels, I was probably out of viable eggs and would enter menopause soon because of all the intense chemo. Chemo scrambled my eggs. I was devastated. Why would I feel so strongly about something that wasn't possible. Something whispered to me that it wasn't in the doctors' hands. It might of been the Spirit, but I think it was Jaymee. He felt everything would be ok one way or another. I wanted to mourn. Sienna wanted to pray harder and fast more.

In September, I missed a period. Hooray! I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. Dang. My doctor said I was probably starting THE CHANGE. (Is that what people call it? Weird. Like we're gremlins that ate after midnight or something). Then I missed a period in October. I was crying about being fully in menopause to Mami one day. After she left I walked inside, smelled something funny and promptly puked. Wha?? I had another pregnancy test laying around and even though I wasn't hopeful, I decided to use it. Instantly positive! PREGNANT!! Miracle.

I went to my oncologist and was scared to tell her. She said it was time to schedule a scan and I said that we couldn't because... I'm pregnant. She jumped out of her chair and grabbed me and hugged and hugged. She said,"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! I didn't think it was possible and didn't want you to get your hopes up!" She hadn't had any patients go through as much and as intense of chemo as I did get pregnant. Miracle.

My OB was astonished, too. When I walked in he said,"Well look who it is! Miss I Get Everything I Want." I reminded him that I've had things I didn't want, too.

So $500 AND $500. I got to live AND I get to have a baby. I believe in miracles. I feel so loved and blessed.

I'm 3 months along and had another ultrasound today. Baby was sucking its fingers.

2010-11-16T18:41:00.001-06:00

My Mom

2010-11-07T18:48:00.004-06:00

Last Monday, My mom entered the Missionary Training Center in Provo, UT. She's serving a one-year mission for my church in Rochester, NY. I'm so proud of her that I could burst. Here is a lady that lost her husband 15 years ago when her youngest was only nine years old. She has worked so hard to provide for us and get us all safely out the door. She retired from teaching last year and her last little chicken moved out this year and so what did she do? Revel in her new-found freedom? Sleep in each day and eat bonbons? Nope. She has done service by indexing her brains out - to the tune of about 140,000 names (that's about 2300 hours of work!) . Then she submitted her mission papers and was on her way. Wow.

She has always been such a good example to me. I can't count how many times I walked into her room to find her praying or reading her scriptures. She always has. She has always served with all her might in her callings and found a way to enjoy each one - and made it so others enjoyed it, too. When she was Stake Camp Director, my house was filled with camp for almost a year. Camp crafts and shirts and bandanas and anything else she could think of. She worked on it every day. One year she and I searched for hundreds of "apache tears" for hours and days so that she could make necklaces for every girl to go along with a spiritual lesson she had come up with. The years she was at camp were the most fun ever. When she taught Gospel Doctrine, she packed the house. When she teaches, she gets so into it that she claps her hands and jumps up and down. You can't help but become passionate about the things she's passionate about.

When she used to teach school, she would do trivia with her students if they had spare time. When they got a question right, she'd put a gold star on their forehead. It was a huge trophy to walk around the high school with a sticker on your face. All her students love her. Most of the entries in my yearbooks say,"Have a great summer. Your mom is the funniest, best most awesome teacher EVER!!!!!" It didn't bother me because I felt the same way.

She has a knack for seeking out and loving the unloved. The kids who had gotten themselves into trouble with drugs or other lifestyles seemed to gravitate to her and to our house. She loved them all unconditionally and I'm sure has helped and impacted hundreds of lives for good. Some of them even lived with us from time to time until they stole all our credit cards and held up the police in our house with a BB gun. But that's not her fault. It's a small price to pay for the good she did for the others.

Last month she went with me and my family on a cruise. Some people wouldn't be able to take their mom or mother-in-law on an intimate trip like that but she was AWESOME. She was so much fun and wasn't afraid to do or try anything. My kids would run into the room and instantly look for her to tell her of their adventures. She is the most fun to tell things to. She is a gusher. Preslie is in love with her and still talks about her constantly. Having her with us made the trip 100 times better than it would have been without her.

She has only been gone a week and I have actually spoken to her and texted her a bunch, but even so, there's a void. I miss her. She is having a blast and has fallen in love with the "Preach my Gospel" manual. I don't have to miss her for long because we're going to go see her and stay with her in Brigham Young's New York home for Thanksgiving. Lucky us. I can't wait.

If you want to keep up with her on her mission, Mel has set up a blog for her:
http://chrisinrochester.blogspot.com/

PS She doesn't read this blog, so if you think I'm writing this stuff to kiss up to her, you'd be wrong. I have held the "favorite" position since birth and don't need to flatter my way into her good graces. So there.

How I know...

2010-09-13T22:09:00.003-05:00

This is how I know the angels in heaven want me to index.

I got the message, angel-friends and I will keep on keepin' on.

I promised myself many, many years ago that if I were ever to be blessed/cursed with twins that I would name them Lady Elaine and King Friday. From Mr. Rogers.

There are no coincidences.

Happy Shark Week, everyone!

2010-08-07T21:13:00.005-05:00

And to those of you who don't celebrate for religious or other reasons - merry large fish holiday. We DO celebrate in our family. We celebrate the 3rd eyelid of a tiger shark and the fact that they are the trash compactor (merry recycler to you greens) of the seas. We root for the rubbery mass of sawing teeth that jump 10 feet out of the water instead of the big brown-eyed furry cuteness it's trying to eat. We draw sharks, we hope of sharks, and we eat fish all week.

To celebrate this year, beyond the usual watching of all things cartilaged-fish, we did more. On Wednesday, the Young Women from my church came over for a Shark Week pool party. We wore fins on our heads (or tried to) and hunted down 100 gold fish that mysteriously were in there. It was a way we could swim a mile in a shark's shoes. Empathy. It was really frustrating to be chasing a fish only to have it dart out of reach at the last second! (87 of the fish reside happily in the pond now - a much better life than that of normal feeder fish)

Friday was Ultimate Sharkalicious Meganight. It was so Mega that my aunt Rosemary and cousin Adrienne drove two days to be here for it. Nicki made Ultimate Extreme Super Shark cupcakes with the kids - they only took about 5 hours. We ate fish tacos and made our own Shark Week t-shirts. Jaymeson rigged up a projector and screen outside and we were able to watch AIR JAWS from the pool with all the lights out. And Mythbusters Shark Edition:

Tickling a shark's snout WILL hypnotize him.
Magnets DO freak them out.
Playing dead doesn't work and you probably won't have enough sense to poke a shark's eyes out while being eaten.

It gives you such a warm feeling to know the true meaning of Shark Week and even more - to apply it in your own lives.

The faith of little ones...

2010-05-11T15:51:00.004-05:00

In the car today, Mason (6!) and Preslie (3) were discussing which of their suckers was better.

Mason's was blue.

Preslie's was mango.

Finally, Mason yells,"I DON'T LIKE MANGOS!!!"

To which Preslie says,

"OH YEAH??!! Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the day. Please bless Mason will LOVE mangos..."

Time Travel

2010-03-08T16:40:00.000-06:00

I'm going to go into the future to when time machines are invented and then go back to last friday to warn myself about dropping my iPhone into the toilet. This plan is brilliant brilliant brilliant!

Hawaii!

2010-02-08T14:37:00.001-06:00

I wish I could post a bunch of pics, but alas, I forgot my camera.

A New Job?

2010-01-26T20:56:00.006-06:00

I applied for a new job today.

WHA?!

It's not in design. It's not in art. Here are some sample questions from the test I will have to take next month:

1. Multiply the numbers below:

1.5 x 6.3

A .945

B 9.45

C 94.5

D 945

2. In the set of numbers below, choose the number that

does not follow the pattern.

... 40, 140, 239, 340 ...

A 40

B 140

C 239
D 340

I hope I can find my thinking cap that day. I actually called to see if I could volunteer and they said,"we don't take volunteers - but we'll pay you." So I guess I'll do it that way. I want to be a Census Taker. Seriously. It's on my life passport just waiting for a stamp.

It's because of Indexing. Indexing is a volunteer effort going on all over the world through the LDS Church to digitize all of the old handwritten records - censuses, death records, marriage licenses, etc. so that people everywhere can search them (for free) and find their ancestors. I started doing it at the end of last summer and quickly became addicted. It's fascinating. Here are some of my favorite things I have come across:

A 40 year old woman with a 16 year old husband... with a 3 month old baby and somehow a 6 year old daughter... I'm pretty sure that was scandalous even in 1920.

Stars name their kids the craziest names. Meet Rob Lowe. He named his daughter Lowe Lowe.

This guy was born "At Sea"

And this is my favorite name: True Love Hall. Her Grandson was named Brownie.

C'mon. That is a good time, right? My addiction led me to a new calling in the ward: Indexing Czar. So now I have to motivate the people at church to love it as much as I do. Some people love it even more. We have indexed almost 65,000 names.

I write stories in my head about the names I index. Like the "boarders" who have secret affairs with the "servants" without the Head of the household even noticing. But what did he think would happen when they are all the same age living in such close quarters? Sometimes the stories are already there. I feel sad for the 30 year old black widow in Louisiana in 1920 with seven kids. None of them could read or write. When I get my flux capacitor fixed - I'm going back in time to help her. Poor thing.

It has gotten me thinking about this year's census and about the stories and crazy things that are happening RIGHT IN MY TOWN! I really want to know. So I know I'm crazy, but this summer I hope to be going door to door and writing everyone's information with really illegible, horrible handwriting so that future indexers will spend extra time scratching their heads and wondering about my little town.

(NO, Melanie, I won't get killed and plastered into a basement wall. What is wrong with your brain?)

The Hills

2010-01-24T19:42:00.005-06:00

Hey. So...I don't know...you know, right? Maybe you don't. I'll fill you in.

We went to visit Marilyn on Friday and had another great chat with her family. They are great people. ("I have only just met you but I love you."a la UP) After we left they called us to tell us that she had passed away. Then my heart was broken. Not because I was close with Marilyn, but because I didn't want them to have to go through that. Too sad. Also, I couldn't help but "liken" the situation to myself. They had a beautiful collage of Marilyn and it was amazing how much she looked like my mom. Same hairstyles, same clothes - they grew up in the same time bubble. I couldn't help but think about what they must feel like. Then I was not ok. I couldn't live a minute without my Mom and right then I made her promise me that she would live forever. Her answer came via text and it was while she was driving, so I don't know how sincere she is. Shame on her. But I forgive her because I love her with all of me and then some.

I remembered the feelings I had when my own dad passed away from cancer when I was 17. Lexi came down into my room early one morning and simply said,"He's gone." It was as if the emotions Relief, Grief, Peace, Longing, Happiness, and Wonder were blended up for me and I drank them down. The result was ok-ness. Peace prevailed. People came over and awed that we were not crying. But the prayers of our friends and the love of a sorrowful Heavenly Father, whom I believe only took my Dad because He needed him more, buoyed us up and carried us around through that time. Hearing all the stories and seeing all the people whose lives Dad touched was uplifting and happy. Now I'm on the outside looking in - feeling the same way the people who watched us felt. I'm wondering how Marilyn's family will get by. They just will. What choice do they have? I hope they will have the same feelings and help we had.

I also remember when the prayers and thoughts and donuts and visitors slowed down and eventually stopped. It was a physical feeling. Like we were set back down on the ground. It taught me to try to keep those going through troubles in my thoughts long after the commotion dies down.

To clear my head and simultaneously torture myself, I went for a long run. I thought and thought and thought, not noticing what was going on around me. Suddenly, everything felt easier. I felt almost... good? I pulled out of my thoughts and looked around. I had just finished climbing a long, ugly hill and was on flat ground. I wanted to kiss it. "Thank you for being flat", I thought. I realized that I wouldn't care at all if the ground was flat if I hadn't just climbed that hill. I hate hills. They're the worst. But they sure make you grateful for the flat ground. I'm sorry that we have hills in our life. I've had a few big ones and some other more rolly ones. They weren't any fun but they made me stronger and more able to handle the ones that are inevitably coming up. They also made me grateful for the times when there aren't any and put into perspective the size of the ones I do face.

Mary Beth and Joe and their families have to face a giant hill. I wish I could give them a ride. I wish they didn't have to do it at all. I guess all I can do is keep praying that they'll have the strength and endurance they are going to need.

And maybe bring them some socks.

Charlie

2010-01-04T11:00:00.008-06:00

This is the part of the blog where I share too much. I give too much away. But this is who am and this is what I do. Buckle up.

I love animals. All animals. Not in a PETA-no-meat-save-the-leafy-seadragon way but still. There is much love. My last hermit crab that the kids HAD to have but forgot about died last night and I can neither confirm nor deny shedding a tear. Hey - I cared for those little guys for almost three years. The one named Don'tDie ... ahem... did last week. And then the one with his shell painted like a creepy eyeball had his heart fail him. Maybe due to loneliness. Maybe because he had no water. I guess we'll never know. But I digress. Back to my love of animals. I had 174 dogs and 1,215 cats growing up. A few ferrets. Dozens of birds. Turtles. Fish. Lexi had a hamster - cat #807 ate him in the dryer. I loved them all. Even when we sent the kittens down the stairs on cookie sheets covered in bowls - it was out of love.

Anyway, one of my favorite things about my house is that it's surrounded by six acres of woods. I have deer, possums, raccoons, foxes, cardinals, bluejays and more. I give all my leftovers to them. I know I shouldn't - don't lecture me. It's freezing out there! I hate to think of them cold AND hungry. I have a white owl that hoots (hoos, really) outside my window at night. I love her/him. I love them all. And I have forced my kids to love them all as well. Our favorite is Charlie the rockchuck/marmot. He is huge and fat and adorable. I bet he weighs 35 lb. Not squirrel-sized - more like huge beaver-sized. Since the day we moved in, he has been hanging out in the front yard every day. We keep binoculars by the front windows so we can watch him use those little black hands hold things and see his huge belly spill over his feet not unlike a daddy penguin. (Penguins are soo soft. I have pet one. I love them, too.)

Every day, when we'd come home we'd pause to let him undulate back to his hideout before driving up to the garage. "Hi, Charlie!" Preslie and Mason would yell. (I know, I changed tenses - forgive). Then one fateful day (I hate fateful days), I was driving to the Y and I'm not sure how I knew because there wasn't a thump or sound, but I stopped and looked in the rearview and there was Charlie. Laying on the driveway. THe kids started screaming, "CHARLIE! CHARLIE!" as I ran out to him. He wasn't squished but he had a bloody nose. Did he run into the back wheel of the car? I have no idea. He was still breathing and I was a mess. I called jaymee crying my head off. I can't even think about it now. So sad. So, I pet him until he stopped breathing (he was SO SOFT!) and then went to the Y and sobbed to Krista that I couldn't stay because I hit Charlie. I went back home and called Mami because I was broken. Her kids loved him, too.

In the garage I found a shovel and as I walked out, there was Krista with her kids (that she pulled back out of kidcare RIGHT after signing them in), a shovel of her own and a bouquet of flowers. A minute later, Mami and her girls were here, too. I told Sienna to write something and that we'd have a funeral. I'm pretty sure Mami and Krista aren't big animal people but they pretended to be for my sake and I'll love them forever for it. I really was a mess. So we picked him up (so soft!) and carried him to our grave under the treehouse. Sienna read her poem:

Charlie the Magnificent Rockchuck

Charlie the Magnificent Rockchuck
When people see him they fall into a daze
And now his life is done,
But when I look back I am I amazed,
At the times he came into our yard.
And, I swear, I saw him smile.
I can't believe he's gone for good,
But I'll have to get through this trial.
He'd run back into his little hole,
Although we'd want him to stay.
But we all knew that
we would see him the next day.
We will remember him forever.
From our hearts he will not go.
And when I look into our yard
He's still there, I know.

When she finished, HUNDREDS of birds flew in and landed in the trees right above us. Mami suggested that each kid say something they liked about Charlie. Even with my deep love for him, I thought that was silly since we only ever watched him. The kids surprised me with their thoughtful answers. They said things like, "He was always there when we got home from school - kind of like he was waiting to see if we were ok." or "I like how he'd sit up and use his little hands to eat." and "He was so happy." He was happy. I don't know how we knew that, but he was. Mason said we could ask Heavenly Father to ask Grandpa Ron if he could take care of him. Camryn said a prayer. In it she said,"please bless that we won't always be as sad as we are right now" and "please take care of him in heaven until we can see him again". So sweet. When we all said amen, the birds got up all at once, flew around the tree in a circle and flew away. Seriously. It was an amazing sight. Like a military "fly-by".

I'm really sad still, but it gave me a lot of thoughts for my mind to nosh. First and foremost being the quality of my friends. They didn't mock me. They just dropped everything to "mourn with those who mourn". It touched me deeply. I also have pondered why Charlie made such an impact on us when we really didn't interact with him all that much. I've decided that my life is filled with Charlies. A Charlie is someone who makes a difference just by existing and being happy. I'm lucky to live in a semi-small town. I see many of the same people every day. Some are Charlies. There is a crossing guard down on State and Smiley who waves and smiles at EVERY car that drives by. Every time. My kids make me roll down the windows so he can see them wave back. Have I ever spoken to him? Nope. Would it impact me greatly if he passed away? Absolutely. Another one I thought of is Claude at the Y. (My kids call him Clog). He's a cute man that volunteers in the kidcare every Wednesday holding babies. It melts my heart. I don't have any babies for him to hold or know the babies he is holding, but I love him for it and I hope he lives forever.

I want to be a Charlie. It is one of my goals to really be part of my community even if it just means smiling at everyone I see. I can wave at the cars that don't hit me when I go running. I can take treats to the girls at sonic at Christmas. I want to help and be happy for the rest of my days so that just maybe I'll get my own "Charlie" bird fly-by.

A note from Dr. Stroud

2009-12-30T14:26:00.003-06:00

In another strange "small-world" turn of events, Jaymeson is the oncologist for the former owner of our home. Marilyn - I hope I'm not violating some HIPAA law by mentioning her - is a most amazing woman. We met her the day we signed on the house and she was crying. She hugged us all and told us to take good care of the place. She told us it was made to hold millions of wonderful family memories. As you know, I want to hug my house everyday, and because of that, I feel I knew her well even though we had just met. This house is her and I love it with all of my heart, so of course I love her.

She has been battling cancer and came up an unexpected survivor. She beat incredible odds due to her faith and amazing attitude. She has inspired so many people. Unfortunately, she has been called to battle again. Jaymeson has been around patients and cancer for years. This is the first time I've really seen him pace and worry and care so very much. He loves Marilyn. He wrings his hands and wonders if there is more he can do or more he could have done and worries about her constantly. A couple days ago I caught him at his computer writing down his thoughts. I don't know if he was writing to her family or just getting it out of his system. I asked him if I could share them on here. He is a good man and a good doctor and I'm blessed to even know him - so blessed to be his wife. I'm amazed at how he is able to handle the sorrows that come with his occupation. (He becomes "partner" in a couple days!!) I want to remember this and also have his voice recorded here on the blog as well as my own.

If you’ll bear with me for just a moment, I’d like to share some thoughts about a wonderful person that I’ve recently come to know very well and feel like I’ve known forever. It is not by chance that we have come together in this life. Our Father in Heaven knows us well. He loves us and wants us to return to live with Him someday. And as such, we are brought down to this earth to gain physical bodies and to be tested and tried to see if we will remain faithful to God or forsake our faith in Him. We are all faced with trials and adversities in life, but it’s how we endure those tests of our faith that is important. In fact, learning to live happily and faithfully despite life’s unexpected difficulties, in my opinion, is one of the great lessons and purposes in life. Some of these trials can be very difficult, but I believe God will not give us any trial that he does not think we can handle. I see this as a testament to the strength of Marilyn as a person that God would allow her to go through so many trials in her life. She is a true survivor.

Of course a loving Heavenly Father would not leave us alone in our afflictions. We have family and friends to help us. Sometimes new friends are placed in our paths to help us through specific trials. I count myself blessed to be a part of Marilyn’s journey and I, too, believe this was not a coincidence.

With my wife recently going through her own battle with cancer, I learned from her a valuable lesson about survivorship. No matter what your trial, you can be a survivor or a victim. Even though we cannot choose our trials or the physical outcome of our trials, we can choose whether we become survivors or victims spiritually. A person like Marilyn who has fought valiantly and lost the physical battle with cancer can still be considered a survivor and even moreso in my book. A survivor, as my wife sees it, uses everything he or she has to come through to the other side of a trial with his or her spirit intact. Not everyone will survive physically. In fact the opposite is true. Everyone will not survive physically. We all pass through this life and at the end, leave our bodies behind and take that great step into the eternities. Our spirits survive even if our bodies don’t. We will see each other again. Of that, I am sure. So the ultimate test is how we spiritually endure the hardships we face in life.

I love the example of Job in the Bible who lost everything from his property to his children to his health. He was accused of sinning by his friends who turned against him. But he remained faithful, gave thanks, praised the Lord and said with all humility and sincerity, “For I know that my Redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth.” Job was a true survivor. We cannot predict what trials will come in life, but if we are prepared spiritually and endure well the hardships we face, we will be remembered not for whether we win or lose the battle but how we spiritually endure.

Not long ago, I was reading in a sports magazine an article titled “The Greatest Game Ever Pitched”. It told of the game Harvey Haddix of the Pittsburgh Pirates pitched against the Milwaukee Braves on May 26, 1959. The story picks up in the bottom of the ninth with two outs. “The Pittsburgh Pirates left hander tugged at the bill of his black cap, glared at his catcher from underneath and nodded. No one said anything but everyone knew he was one out away from pitching the seventh perfect game in history. The 78^th pitch blew by the batter for the final out of the ninth inning. He had pitched nine perfect innings… but the game was not over. The score was still zero zero. He went on to pitch twelve perfect innings and then lost the game.” Sometimes, you can do everything even to perfection and still lose the battle. Though the game was lost, the title of the article stills says it all – “The Greatest Game Ever Pitched.”

Marilyn is a perfect example of someone who has lived her life in faith and happiness, despite the trials she faced. She did not have a why-me attitude but instead seemed to ask why not me. She looked for the small miracles in her life and has continued to thank God and praise Him for blessing her. I am truly grateful to have come to know Marilyn. I have never felt so close to a patient. Of course, I think of Marilyn as a good friend. I’m sad and frustrated to not be able to help Marilyn physically, but I’m happy to see another small miracle that she is not in pain. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

2009-12-16T09:19:00.000-06:00

I'm Sorry

2009-12-02T19:02:00.003-06:00

I love this blog. I love blogging. I'm overwhelmed. Every time I think about posting I think about all of the stuff I haven't blogged about yet and get tired and run away and hide in the tree house. I need to finish the summer and Camryn's baptism and the most amazing night of my life which happened in Arizona this past summer. I need to blog about Charlie and his funeral. I need to mention that I retired from Bazzill Basics Paper and the bittersweetness of that. I have hundreds of pics. Thousands of words. The tree house is calling to me even now. But I think I'll just start. It'll be a big jumble chronologically, but a year is a year, right? So I'll get started... tomorrow. Or maybe the next day.

PROCRASTINATORS

The Leaders of Tomorrow

A Recipe

2009-08-18T15:54:00.002-05:00

It seems like with all of the new diet "low-fat", low-cal" foods hitting the market these days, not to mention the increase in exercise happening all around that some people are not getting their daily nutritional value of both fats and sugars. Over the summer I tried really hard to be conscious of maintaining and even exceeding my daily values in these areas. I have been successful to the tune of 13 pounds. Impressive, I know. All it took was being a little more careful about how much green food I ate and trying harder to fit in those foods containing whole cubes of butter.

It's not hard. Here's a recipe to get you started:

1/2 cup butter

1 yellow cake mix

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup oats (so you can justify the rest)

Mix in your lime green kitchenaid until crumbly - as if you were going to use it for the topping of a peach or apple crisp. Next, being sure to scrape down the sides as you go, use a spoon to scoop all the crumbs carefully into your face. Repeat until bowl is empty.

More Epic Summer: FLORIDA

2009-08-18T10:37:00.007-05:00

Erik & Brittany

We went to church only to find out it was stake conference and just getting over. Still counts?

Ells Bells and Ms. P

We pretty much had to sleep this way to fit us all in condo, but that's what family is all about, right?

Arrgghh. We took our kids on a pirate ship. Mason got to "mop the boat". Dreams do come true.

Look at his stomach. He's five. Ridiculous.

So late June, We drove down to the panhandle for some sand (via Atlanta). We stayed in a condo with Brittany (Jaymee's sister) and Grandma Jinky. Shane (jaym's bro) and his family came down for a couple days, too. It was a great place. We spent the entire week swimming at the beach and then going back to swim at the hotel. The sand is like powdered sugar. White and soft. They have Sonic AND Krispy Kreme donuts there. What's not to like? We ate much crab. We did much boogie boarding and got stung by many jelly fishes. Tiny ones. They floated like bubbles but stung like a bee. A hive of bees. But the sting didn't last and we decided it was worth it. Same time next year?

Luke Pettit's 5k & Relay for Life

2009-08-11T19:44:00.004-05:00

For his Eagle Project, Luke Petitt put on a 5K to benefit Shriner's hospital. It was HUGE. I can't believe how organized, planned and executed it was. Good job, Petitts! We were all going to run but my stroller was awful and Mason and Preslie gave up after the first mile. Jaym and the girls finished it, though. Preslie really ran almost a mile! She kept looking at me and saying,"I'n still running! I'n still running, Mom!" Those are little legs to run so far on.

Camryn fell down part way through and lost her running mojo. Brock Cima was running with them but had to move on when Camryn's complaints became such nonsense as, "my tears are making my face hot! waaa!" What? We'll add that one to our collection of stress-induced weirdspeak with the other gems like,"I can't hear you if your hand is over my mouth!!" and "You tell me to take a bath because you don't want me to take a bath!" But she finished and I'm proud of her for sticking it out.

The next weekend Jaymeson's work sponsored a Relay For Life. He went as a cancer doc and I went as a survivor. I walked the track with my "caregiver" Camryn. It was a little emotional. I don't like being forced to think about that stuff. I'd rather just move on and forget it, you know? But it's a good cause and ended up being a fun night.

Tea Party

2009-08-11T10:12:00.002-05:00

I went to a TEA party in the spring and was so glad I did. I looked around and saw thousands of people just like me. Nobody was screaming or obscene. It was families and grandparents. People brought their kids and their dogs. I felt safe there. I felt like I wasn't alone. I have felt somewhat alone in my views because the media makes you feel like everyone else in the country feels the same way they do. It's not true. I saw thousands of others who yell at their tvs just like I do.

I don't know how things are going to go down, but I want be able to feel like I stood up for what I believed and fought the good fight.

Mason graduated

2009-08-11T09:58:00.005-05:00

Mason went to a semester of gymnastics (we're trying to channel not squash his desire to climb everything). At his graduation, he performed such feats as walking, crouching and walk-crouching. Thank you, Little Gym. The best part of the night, however, came when Mason got to stand on a podium and receive a medal for his hard work and dedication. They hadn't even finished putting it on him when he leapt off the podium and ran to give it to Preslie. "Here you go, Babe! It's a medal I got for you." He loves her so much.

When she was born, I was afraid to have him brought to the hospital. He's got so much energy that I thought he'd try and climb my IV pole or jump out the window. Instead he put a hand on her little head and stared at her the entire time he was there. He didn't make a move or a sound. It was love at first sight and it has remained that way. You can't give anything to Mason without him giving her half. He calls her "Babe". "You want me to get you some fruit snacks, Babe? Wanna paint the mirror with fingernail polish, Babe?"

Epic Summer

2009-08-11T09:19:00.004-05:00

I wasn't going to be one of those people. You know - the ones who have abandoned their blogs to write one liners about their life via facebook or twitter. I said to myself,"Self, sentences like 'Man, I have a lot of laundry!' does not a life-record make!" but then, here it's been two months without a drop of blog. Sorry, Self. I'll do better. Thank you. You're welcome.

I'm going to try and catch up. Enjoy!

In May, Mason and his fiancè Taylor had their birthday parties together and invited Babaloo! to come. He's our favorite. He's so funny. He's figured out the perfect amount of potty humor to keep 5 year-olds laughing non-stop.

Why didn't sombody in my family figure this out? Leaf blower + paint roller + toilet paper! Sweet. Thanks, Babaloo.

2009 Summer Bored List

2009-06-14T20:52:00.006-05:00

We finished our Bored List a while ago but I'm of course only now posting it/printing it out for the kids. These are our summer goals. All of the kids contributed and now each one has a copy to check off. Their's are cuter than this. If we accomplish the entire list we get to go out for a fun night after school starts up again. Some are easy. Some are hard. Some are free and some aren't. Some are completely ridiculous. I don't judge. It's their list. The good news is that when my kids say,"I'm bored!" I know where they can look for ideas: (I'll BOLD the ones we've already checked off)

Bored List
1. go swimming in three different bodies of water 2. read Harry Potter 3. read scriptures 6 nights a week 4. learn a new boardgame with the Youngs 5. Blow bubbles 6. ride bikes 25 times around the circle 7. kids cook dinner 8. watch Spongebob 9. be quiet for an hour 10. dig a hole for trampoline 11. play Club Penguin 12. breakfast for dinner 13. talk to a boy on the phone 14. make mom’s bed 15. eat krispy kreme donuts 16. play on the DS 17. jump on the trampoline 18. go to SONIC 19. Play Wii 20. ride bikes to Gators 21. go night swimming 22. listen to iPod under a tree 23. don’t lie for a whole day 24. don’t tattle for a whole day 25. talk in whispers for one day 26. dance party in the basement 27. go to Six Flags 28. go fishing with real worms 29. See Harry Potter 30. make blackberry pie 31. get alfalfa pellets for the deer 32. ask mom if you can help 33. play with the cats 34. sleep in a tent 35. go to Lagoon 36. make tshirts 37. draw with chalk on the driveway 38. write an email 39. write a letter to jaik 40.learn about an animal 41. do a book report for the library 42. catch fireflies 43. watch Anne of Green Gables 44. blow up a balloon 45. play spy with brady 46. cook smores in the firepit 47. pronounce “Jerusalem” as “Juice-slam!” 48. have mason teach us a mobap song 49. write a love letter 50. don’t kiss anyone besides family for the WHOLE SUMMER 51. go to the dentist 52. sing a song 53. walk to church 54. look for shapes in the clouds 55. babysit for one hour 56. write a story 57. learn the lyrics to a Kina Grannis song 58. teach mason to tie his shoes 59. potty-train preslie 60. stay in jammies all day 61. build a fort 62. sleep in until 9 63. lick the mirror 64. make a video and put it on youtube 65. wash the car 66. win a prize 67. run a 5k 68. go to the cabin 69. play grandpa’s game 70. kiss a dog 71. buy something on ebay 72. paint/color a picture 73. mismatch clothes day 74. climb the rockwall at the Y 75. take a picture 76. get your top score on bejeweled 77. make a play 78. run around the house five times 79. go ice blocking 80. slip-n-slide 81. get a tan 82. whiten our teeth with crest whitestrips 83. a private date with mom and dad 84. do some service 85. sing karaoke 86. learn to say,”hi” in four different languages 87. don’t kill dad 88. cure some cancer 89. invite a different family to BBQ and swim 90. Hawaiian clothes day 91. make a list of 50 things you’re grateful for 92. learn a new trick on the diving board 93. laugh until it hurts 94. say tree something random heart sometime 95. play hide and seek 96. stay up past midnight 97. go to a beach 98. collect something 99. make a baby laugh 100. watch fireworks

Get Well Soon, L'il Fellas

2009-06-01T08:45:00.003-05:00

Anyone who knows me knows I love animals. I do. I have many in my house in my care. That is why it makes me so sad to see them suffer. My only hope is that Amy and I can be a glimmer of brightness in what appears to be a really bad day.

Get well Soon.

My Mother's Day Tradition

2009-05-25T22:08:00.008-05:00

I have a strange Mother's Day Tradition. Every year I try my hardest to get out of anything remotely related to mothering. I was raised in a home where this particular holiday was scary at best. The Saturday before we could already see that the next day was going to be a disaster. You could hear the ticking. Tick tick tick tick. The house wouldn't be clean, (tick tick) we kids would probably fight (tick tick) and hide one of our church shoes some place. One of use would break her obligatory sacrament meeting carnation. (tick tick) Or everything could go pretty good. (tick? tick?) It didn't matter. Mother's day was a day when Mom cried. BOOM!! Why? I don't know. What is even harder to explain is why I carried this tradition on into my own home. I'm terrible. I don't like my presents - even if it is a very thoughtful breast pump or vacuum. I'm mad when I have to make my own dinner. Don't EVEN get me started on breakfast in bed. Why would i want to eat cheerios in my bed with four kids climbing on me begging for bites? It's an unwinnable day for my family and so now as a special treat to myself, I try to be as far from my children as possible.

I've done pretty good. I was in Arizona a few years back for Courtney's baptism, I was in France two years ago for a medical conference with Jaymeson, I was stuck penniless in Barcelona and London last year and this year I was supposed to be in Mexico. Stupid swine flu wrecked that. We had to cancel our cruise and I started panicking. What? Home for Mother's Day? No way. Jaymeson was relieved by the cancellation because it really was bad timing for him due to the fact that his boards are in a couple weeks. He decided to keep that week off work so he could study. That's when the wheels started turning. A free babysitter for a week (I conveniently didn't hear the part about the studying). Just for fun, I looked up flights to Hawaii. Sara lives there and said I could come visit whenever. Just for more fun, I booked a $350/RT flight and took her up on her offer.

I went to Hawaii ALONE FOR A WEEK. Best week ever. Not only did I cross the Pacific and got to a whole new place, I went back in time. I was in college again. A little older and frumpier, but oh so happy. Sara goes to BYU-Hawaii. We did all the things you're supposed to do in college: we broke into resorts to use their hot tub; we climbed up onto the roof of the apartment to watch the stars; we took silly pictures of ourselves with strangers on campus; we ate way too much and slept way too little. It was awesome.

When I got there, the rental place's computers were down, so they gave me a Jeep. We became fast friends. We spent the week in the sun listening to music together. It played "all of Hawaii's best music- not just some of it." It didn't have ONE fruit snack in it.

(this is us in the LOST trees)

I love Oahu. I felt like it was my home. I want to live there. The first morning I was upside down in time so I got up and went for a walk about 5am. I tried to find the beach but I found the temple instead. It was Mother's Day and I was leaning up next to a palm tree at the temple in Hawaii watching the sun rise. There were hymns playing from a speaker at the base of the tree. The whole time I sat there, nobody patted my arm to get my attention so they could tell me that Mason was naked. Nobody asked me for a sippy full of milk. Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

On Monday, we went snorkeling at Sharks' Cove and swimming at a beach that starts with a "W". Later we got Thai food and shave ice at Matsumoto's. It was delicious. I think I got Stwauva Gwaberry. I only had to buy one for myself. Nobody spilled. Luxury.

Then I went on a date with a guy who was only using me to get to my roommates. We ate raw salty fish with onions called poke.

On Tuesday, we hiked and hiked and hiked and finally came to the path that was the beginning of the hike. We hiked some more and made it to Muanawilli (sp?) falls. That was BEAUTIFUL. And scary. Since I was in college again, we took this opportunity to be both brave and stupid. Sara and I climbed up the tallest cliff and after telling ourselves we could do hard (stupid) things, we clasped hands and jumped!! It was three times "where's the water!?" high or maybe about 50 feet? Higher? I'll tell you something else... come closer - it's a secret... when you jump off really high cliffs, keep your legs together.

We ate some more, went to some beaches and made it home just in time for the night show at the PCC. Sara and Gina (you can pronounce her name so many fun ways in public places REALLY LOUD) work there, so I got in for super cheap. That was cool. Watching ladies shake and men burn themselves. We found out we could take pictures of us with the burn victims. That's when I realized my camera was gone. Sad. Embarrassing. Maybe we took some pictures of ourselves "college-style" in the jungle and we didn't really want people to see them? We must have left it at the beach when that wave crashed over us when we were sleeping.

So we decided we'd go back and find it the next day after our adventures at the swap meet. Yes!! That was a happy place. Cheap t-shirts and dried mangoes as far as the eye could see. I bought matchy dresses for my girls and a cool carved bone necklace for us to represent our Ikaika-selves that jumped off that cliff.

We journeyed on to Hanauma Bay. I had told Sara that all I really wanted out of the whole week was to see a turtle. (I have a turtle thing.) We were barely in the water when we found a big, beautiful sea turtle. He was pleased to meet us. He didn't care that we were there at all. We just followed him around and probably touched him. I can't say for sure because it's against the law. He beat out the Jeep as my new best friend.

(not my picture)

We went back to the beach where we had lost the camera and before I even said a word, the lifeguard said,"you lost your camera, right?" Hooray and dang. Hooray for the camera, dang that he had obviously seen the pictures. He didn't have said camera, but he gave me the # of the guy who did. We had to wait until the next day to call him.

To fill the time, Phil took us surfing! I didn't do too bad, but I lack the upper body strength need to get that long board out past the waves over and over. I felt very wimpy. But happy that I stood up once and that I got to see the sunset sitting on a surfboard in Hawaii. Thanks, Phil.

Then Thursday happened. Let us never speak of it again. It was a bad day. We got the camera back from other lifeguards who had obviously also looked at the pictures but the batteries were missing and all the pictures were deleted. Even the ones of us spelling korean words with our bodies and some random koreans on the steps of the CAC. Sara and I were sad all that day. It was not the right day for me to leave. We knew it but were powerless to stop it. There were no turtles at Hanauma Bay. I had to drop Sara off at a bus station to get home while I got lost looking for the rental return place. When I got to the airport I was so sad. The lady at the counter told me my flight was delayed 4 hours and in typical shelby-in-college fashion, I started to cry. Stupid Thursday. Stupid leaving too soon. Luckily, grown-up Shelby reminded me that I do control my destiny a little. I walked back up to the counter and asked for a redo. This was a bad day. It was not the day I was supposed to leave. Could I stay another day and start over? She said,"You'd do that?? Oh that's great! That really helps us." Turns out the flight had been cancelled while I was crying and they were trying to get everyone on a 7am flight the next morning. So wish-granted, I left the airport to take a scary 3 hour bus ride back to Sara's.

My redo day was much better. We woke up early and got banana pancakes bigger than us. We went swimming again and then spent the rest of the day alone on a beautiful beach. We laid in 6 inches of warm water on sand-pillows. We laughed our heads off and made our plans for next time. When I got back to the airport that night I felt so much better and was ready to leave. It wasn't that I wanted to, but more that I felt I could. My battery-recharge was complete and I was ready and excited to face my real life again.

So, I have much thanks. I'm thankful for Sara (and Gina - pronounced so many wonderful ways) who let a frumpymomoffour live their life with them for a few days. They were more fun than I even thought they'd be. I was smiling and laughing the ENTIRE time I was there. They are so sweet and fun and happy and good. I love Sara. She's the best. When I met her a few years ago, it wasn't like meeting somebody new. It was more like,"Oh THERE you are! I've been looking for you." She makes me so happy. She also looks gorgeous with a mask and a snorkel. Who does that? She's so beautiful. Inside and out. Thank you so much, Sara. I miss you REALLY LOUD.

And then the other thanks. Thanks to Jaymeson for the best Mother's Day ever. Thanks for taking care of the kids while they wrestled in 12 bananas. Thanks for never complaining or acting like you resented me for leaving. I couldn't have had 1/100th the time I had if it weren't for your love and support. You are too good to me. You can be a jerk-nose for the rest of our life and still come out ahead because of this. I love you so much. Next time, come with me.

A Quiz

2009-05-20T22:50:00.003-05:00

Which of the following DID NOT happen today:

M & P stripped down naked and danced in a hope chest full of goldfish crackers (and then peed)
The cat ate huge quantities of styrofoam and then yakked it up all over the kitchen
Like a leper, I left a trail of skin throughout my house
My house got pretty darn clean due to yak, crackers, pee and skin everywhere
I laid on the beach for hours reading a people magazine while my skin turned a toasty brown
I found a living hermit crab deep in the dirty clothes in the laundry chute that had been missing for a week

It's hard. The quiz and today.

Beware

2009-05-20T12:09:00.002-05:00

I know I need to blog about Camryn's baptism and Hawaii but that's overwhelming so here is a Preslie-ism while I procrastinate:

"mom, we have to go get cat food or the cats will drive the car to the Y and the cats will find us and the cats will bite off our heads and then we can't talk to Taylor."

Wouldn't that be the worst?

Joy

2009-05-01T14:56:00.007-05:00

(Apology to those who follow both Melanie's and my blog, the pics are the same because I took ZERO pictures)

There are those who seek joy and those that create it. My sister Melanie is the latter. We finished our half marathon last weekend. Melanie PR'd it. I LOVE'd it. I didn't even notice the first six miles. We just laughed and mocked and ran and walked. We drank Cytoplasm and ate sliced fruit from unwashed hands. We made it halfway without incident.

This is us at the half-half:

Still happy, but getting tired. Time for Beans.

Beans, Beans - the magical fruit

the more you eat

the more you HOOT!

The more you high-five anything with a face or paw or hand

the better you feel

so let's have beans for every meal!!

I have carefully worked at building a caffeine-immunity over the years (just in case) but the same cannot be said for one Melanie Wellman. She couldn't have been crazier if she was drunk on being high. "How're ya doin'? How're ya doin'? How're ya doin'? How're ya doin'? How're ya doin'? I've had BEANS!!!!!!" For the next six and a half miles, Melanie (and sometimes myself out of peer pressure and the desire to not be left behind and mostly for a "drafting" effect, really) zig-zagged between the edges of the race high-fiving anything with some sort of an appendage. She smacked hands, posters, cups, little infant hands, faces, dog paws and police officers. She leapt, she twirled, she dodged. She pushed people from behind while shouting her mantra "We can do hard things! Come on!" By the time we made it to the end, my Nike+ said we had gone 15.5 miles instead of the 13.1 we set out for. Seriously. I would have died right there but it seemed like a lot of work. She, on the other hand, began to run around with complimentary bananas sticking out of her ears.

Because of the spectacle, we were easily able to find the rest of our crew all of whom had finished before us (of course, they only went 13.1 miles... I'm just sayin'). Sara came all the way from Hawaii to run with us and then flew right back. How's that for love? I feel I have no choice but to return the favor (minus any running) and will do so next week. (Swine flu cancelled our cruise). Jeff and Jamey came and ran it, too. Jamey might have won - i can't remember. he was very fast. I still can't believe this happened. When I get my flux-capacitor fixed, I'm going back about 10 years to tell us all that we're doing this so I can watch us laugh and laugh. I felt much love. I wish I could be with all of my family and friends every day. That truly is heaven.

Jeff Wellman, Self, Mel, Sara Bosler, Little Jaymee and Big Jamey.

Lexi couldn't run because she fractured her ankle training. (We'll do another one another time.)But she came to cheer and laugh at us. Mom came out because she wanted to cheer us on and also because she can't resist a hotel room - she says they're "sexy". In fact, she paid for the rooms. Everyone pitched in so much and helped make this possible. I am extremely humbled. We raised over $4,000 for Team in Training. I'm sure that it's the lucky dollars that will pay for a CURE!!

Special thanks to all who donated:

Rob and Kathy Frazier

Lisa Adams Bohne

Jason and Jennifer Knight

Canyon Springs Dental

Ruth Butler

PETER KING

Lori Nally

Jodi Gilray

Mike & Emily Crowton

Tyson Price

Cliff & Eileen Henkel

Ted LeNeave

Cal Darrow

The Cima Family

Alan & Nancy Dickson

Maegen Martineau

Jeremy & Sara White

Brittany Atkinson

Harmon and Lindsey Tobler

SPencer and Louise Price

Apryl Munoz

Emily McLean

Christine Holland

Annette Miller

suzanne marchesano

Sara Pack

Rod & Kandace

Keri Peterson

Brent Stoddard

Marianne Husted

Sherrie Burt

Morrow Family

Emily Price

Karen Wellman

Laura Wellman

Vivian Gardner

Rita Mueller

Katie Price

Karen & Collins Petitt

Megan Bird

Jessica Mandile

Jennifer Crotts

Shaunna Leavitt

Dondra Norton

Barb Jensen

Stacia Dorny

heather ives

Missy

Jennifer Hoy

Angela Cowden

Pamela Caudill

Lisa Brennan

Michele Boyer

Kristy Munoz

Teresa Watson

Tamara Wyatt

Toni Huskey

Heidi & Sean Bishop

Andrea Stroud

The Noorlander Family

Christy Hiniker

Summer Haught

NAtalie Kidd

April Leonard

April Allen

Troy Slaugh

CRISTA LENEAVE

Sam Buntin

Leslie Moon

Jill Bryce

Lisa Hardin

Kathy Nevin

Chrysta Wellman

Tamara Gordon

Cheryl Wellman

jennette farley

Amie Haroldsen

Kristine Barkdull

Shirlene D. Burt

Dahlene Mullins

Amy Waite

Tiffany Jones

Suzi Williams

There are people on that list that we have never met. There are people on that list who don't have an extra dollar but donated anyway. There are people whom I haven't seen since high school. I can't think about it without feeling like I'm going to burst. Thank you. Thank you. I have never felt so loved in all my life.

Mason is ENGAGED!!

2009-04-21T11:49:00.004-05:00

Congrats are due. Today on the way to the Baptist preschool, Mason (much like his old man) offered a sincere but spontaneous marriage proposal in the car. Taylor accepted. It's her birthday, so she can do whatever she wants. As soon as her hand was secured they moved on to the most pressing order of business - what to name their kids. I have compiled a list from their suggestions and thought perhaps a vote would be in order? Or maybe, if we're lucky, they'll get to use all of them.

Mason Cima and Taylor Stroud

Proud parents of:

Buttbutt Stroud

Toilet Stroud

PooBooby Stroud

Privacy Stroud

How does one pick? They are all really great names. I can't wait to be a grandma!

Weirdo with a beardo

2009-04-17T15:06:00.005-05:00

Mason has decided that he's "going to grow a beard now". He asks me if I can see it yet every day. When I say,"not yet, but keep trying!' he concentrates real hard with his hands in little fists. I'll post a picture as soon as he's successful. He will be the coolest kid in kindergarten.

On a related note, I told Amy I'd give her $20 to draw a little beard on Avery when she was baby Jesus at the Baptist church nativity and she thought real hard and then said, "Jesus didn't have a beard when He was a baby... did He?"

2009-04-09T15:24:00.001-05:00

Masonism

2009-04-06T13:07:00.005-05:00

Mason: Mom, did Jesus make this whole town?
Me: Um, I guess He kinda did. He made the people that made the town and the stuff they made the town out of... So, I guess so.
Mason: MAN!! When I'm Jesus, I'm going to be sooo tired.

I'm thinking maybe the gospel hasn't really been taught in its fullness at my house. Maybe we should have less Family Home Evenings about "HOW TO STOP FIGHTING 101" and more "Jesus is Jesus and you won't ever be Jesus". I'll start tonight.

Robin Noblitt

2009-04-05T19:29:00.004-05:00

I have a friend named Robin Noblitt. Say it out loud. Again. Isn't that the best name ever? If I ever go into hiding for the FBI (again) that will be my name. "Nice to meet you. I'm Robin. Robin Noblitt."

We have a WINNER!!!

2009-03-23T11:20:00.002-05:00

Sam "I am a mother of 2 girls and 1 boy! I spend my days packing lunches and sliding down slides!" is the winner. I don't know you but I'm sure we're best friends. Email me your address and I'll send you your loot!!

shel7by at mac dot com

Thanks to everyone who donated! We're almost there! It is so awesome to see everyone rally together for this great cause. Maybe somebody else won't have to go through the yuck that is Lymphoma because of the research that will be done with all this money.

Spring Forward

2009-03-20T08:56:00.006-05:00

I love Spring. I HATE "spring forward". We're almost two weeks into it and I still can't wake up. Every morning I fight to get out of bed and when i succeed, I turn around only to see Sleep sitting on my bed like a toddler screaming with his arms outstretched - begging me to return. I don't make my bed and I tell him I'll be right back - just as soon as I get the kids of to school... well, and get some laundry going. Also, I HAVE to check my email and go to the Mafia Wars bank (don't ask). I better clean up breakfast, too, while I'm up. Change some poopy pants. And draw some fleurs for some new Bazzill paper...

By the time I get back to my room, Sleep has cried himself into a sleep of his own. It wouldn't do me any good to cuddle with him now. He'd just ignore me.

Stupid spring forward. It's your fault Sleep and I aren't getting along.

Great Big Bazzill Giveaway EXTENDED!!!

2009-03-15T21:02:00.002-05:00

Wahoo! We're extending the giveaway ONE MORE WEEK. Please reply to the previous giveaway post after donating.

Happy Birthday, Dad

2009-03-12T21:51:00.004-05:00

Today my dad would have been 62 years old.

Sometimes I let this day come and go and try to be as normal and fine as I can. Usually, then when the day is over I sit down and wrap my hands around my knees in a shadowy corner of my heart and rock myself to sleep saying,"It's ok. It's how it was supposed to be. Don't be sad. You'll see him again one day. He knows you still. He knows Jaymee. He loves your kids." I try not to remember that sometimes I forget. It feels better to forget that you're forgetting certain mannerisms or what he liked to eat.

I have been missing him so much lately. He's been in my dreams and in my awake-time dreams, too. I try to imagine what we'd say to each other. What I'd want to tell him or show him. I feel like I'm more like him now than I was when he was here and we'd get along so well. Boy, would we be mad at Obama. And he'd have my same 44oz diet dr pepper with vanilla (easy ice) at Sonic. I'd probably tease him a little about how I didn't quit my chemo and he did. But then he'd remind me that he still worked the whole time and I'd shut up real fast. He'd do a lot of graphic design with me. It would have suited him perfectly. The blending of art and technology. Technology was his favorite color. Although, if you asked him, he'd say,"sky-blue yellow". I remember that.

So today, I decided instead of just getting by, I thought I'd remember. I did things I thought he would have enjoyed doing with me. I went to Sonic, test drove some cool cars and found some jewelry for my girls. It was plastic, but it was jewelry and I gave it to them from their Grandpa Ron. A few days ago when I was cleaning out our basement (he wouldn't have enjoyed that) I opened boxes that I never opened the last time we moved and found a tape he made for us just before he died. It had Father's Blessings and then on the other side, him talking to his best friend Bob Weaver about my mom and each of us and what his hopes and thoughts were. It's very sweet. I haven't listened to it for about 10 years. I thought it was lost. I located a tape player - seriously, I had to call around... no tape players anymore??? Then I bought a bunch of my dad's favorite treats - circus peanuts, ginger snaps, etc. and my kids and I sprawled out on the floor watching the ceiling, eating treats and listening to him talk. Even though I was 17 when he recorded it, it's still pretty accurate. He knew me well.

Camryn said she was sad he died. I'm certainly happy he lived and I got to be a part of it.

P.S. If you're sick of looking for a great present for my dad on his 60th birthday, how about donating to our Stop It Run next month? Just a thought...

the GREAT BIG Bazzill Basics GIVEAWAY!!!

2009-03-10T11:36:00.006-05:00

I never promised myself I'd never do a blog giveaway. Thank goodness.

If you look at my blog, you'd think all I do is have cancer, travel, run and play on frozen lakes. That's true, but occasionally I like to work full-time for Bazzill Basics Paper as a designer. I design their catalogs, advertising, packaging, idea books and posters for their kids school projects. Over the years, I have started "accumulating" (hoarding is a strong, ugly word) Bazzill products. I have been selfish with my Bazzill. It's a mystery to me why I cannot part with it. I don't scrapbook. I just love it. I love it so much that I gingerly put it in a closet and in boxes in the basement.

THEREFORE, ere go, heretofore I have decided to pry some of it from my supple, model-like hands. For you, but mostly for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. That's right, I'm still at the begging for money thing. Everyone who has donated is eligible to enter. After you have donated to our run, leave a comment on this entry for a chance to win:

37 YARDS(ish) (one yard of each) of ALL BAZZILL BASICS RIBBON!!! That's a lot of giant bows you could make for tiny baby heads.
(70) 8.5x11 textured Bazzill Cardstock in about 70 colors and varying textures
(20) 12x12 textured Bazzill Cardstock - including some "bling" paper
(2) 15-sheet DOTTED SWISS multipacks - have you seen this? So cute. Reminds me of the dress my mom made me... and the dress your mom made you when we were little.
A 25-sheet 12x12 Monochomatic green multipack
A 15-sheet 12x12 Mono Trio Forget-Me-Not multipack
A 25-sheet Places We Love multipack
A 25-sheet 8x8 Monochromatic yellow multipack
A 25 8.5x5.5 Places We Love scrap pack
A Places We Love idea book
A 8x8 post-bound album
A 12x6 tall post-bound album
A Bitty Blossoms Garden Mix jar of blossoms
Assorted brads, boshers (I don't know either), buttons, etc.

And MORE! Please keep in mind that this is a shelby-sponsored event and not a Bazzill-sponsored event. Therefore, some packaging might be first generation, etc. I hope maybe this is what you were waiting for... go donate and enter TODAY!! I'll do the drawing in a very scientific way SUNDAY, MARCH 15 at 7pm. Good Luck!

DUE TO TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, THIS GIVEAWAY HAS BEEN EXTENDED UNTIL MARCH 22 AT 7PM. THE LEUKEMIA & LYMPHOMA SITES HAVE BEEN ACTING UP LATELY. PLEASE KEEP TRYNG. IF YOU'D LIKE TO SEND A CHECK, MAKE IT OUT TO THE LEUKEMIA & LYMPHOMA SOCIETY AND SEND IT TO:

MELANIE W.

14409 W Maui Lane

Surprise, AZ

85379

Karli's Dream

2009-03-03T09:26:00.005-06:00

Karli is practically one of my kids. (She would BE one of my kids if her family wasn't so selfish.) She is such a quirky, funny girl. When she first started coming over (when she was three) she would tell me stories of her sister "sheila" who was very unlucky. She was constantly falling off the roof or getting hit by cars. Eventually it was too much for her mom and she was forced to sell her. It was all very sad. One time Karli went into her parents' room in the middle of the night to tell them of the best dream she ever had where she was "playing at Camryn's and [they] never came to pick her up!" I know you have all had similar dreams.

So recently Karli dreamed a new dream. In that dream, she was picking her nose. She pulled out a big booger that was the shape of a dog. It was SO CUTE. She played with it all day. They had a tea party and when night came, she put her booger dog to bed. THE END.

P.s. you can still donate to our run - THANKS SO MUCH TO EVERYONE THAT HAS!!!! I'M AMAZED and humbled. You are all so nice:
http://pages.teamintraining.org/dm/cmc09/mwellmaduz

The Phoenix

2009-02-27T11:31:00.005-06:00

So was talking to Sienna's teacher and it turns out she was really close friends with the former owner of our home. I had heard from "the welcome wagon" that my house had burned before but I was never able to find any more information. ANYWAY, the story is that Marilyn and her husband had designed this home and it was almost complete. The builder was doing the final touches like flooring and paint. They had moved a bunch of their furniture and antiques into the basement waiting to move in. The builder employed both union and non-union workers. One of the non-union workers decided he was mad that he wasn't getting equal treatment and took out his anger by burning the house TO THE GROUND!! Wow. THey had to start over. So this is my house v2.1. It's almost too bad there was nothing more sinister than that - you know, like a well under the basement or a graveyard that curls my forks and spoons - so that I could be all creeped out about my haunted house. I'd have a hard time getting babysitters and i'd type "All work and no play makes shelby..."
"go crazy?"
"don't mind if I do...BWAH AHA HAH AH HAH HA!"

P.s. you can still donate to our run (even just a couple bucks would help out a lot and you'd be my best friend):
http://pages.teamintraining.org/dm/cmc09/mwellmaduz

Errr Snarl Snort Growl!!!

2009-02-24T09:21:00.005-06:00

Anger. I'm riding high on it right now, so my words may be out of proportion to what actually happened. Forgive.

Mason and Preslie are sick. Like "boneless chicken ranch" sick. They are laying all over the house and it was all i could do to put their limp bodies into the car to take the girls to school. So I dropped the girls off and went to the gas station by my house to get some milk. I park the very front spot in front of the glass doors - which coincidentally - you can SEE through and lock the lethargic kids in their seats in the locked car and run in to get the milk. The milk is probably 15 feet from my car. As I'm walking in, a man who's walking out (on his way to play some basketball with his pals, I think, judging by his hoodie and shorts) says,"you can't leave your kids in the car."

I say,"Yes, I can. They are sick. I'm here to get milk for them."

He says,"You can't leave your kids in the car."

I say,"They are throwing up. I'm not bringing then in the store. They are locked in."

He says,"It's against the law."

I say,"CALL THE POLICE!!!"

and spend less time getting my stinkin' milk than I did arguing with him about it.

I'm so mad!! How could I have carried two sick kids and milk? He doesn't know. Now I have to growl and snort all day. Luckily I still have a bag of chicks & rabbits. That should help. Also, if somebody could go find that guy and put him on puke duty, that would be great. I'm sure he has plenty of experience with sick kids.

P.s. you can still donate to our run (even just a couple bucks would help out a lot and you'd be my best friend):
http://pages.teamintraining.org/dm/cmc09/mwellmaduz

You've done so much and here I am asking for more...

2009-02-20T18:20:00.010-06:00

Hey everyone!

As you know, this blog was started the week I found out I had cancer... well, even before we knew what it was. It is here that I documented my journey and it is here that I'm asking for your help yet again. As you know, Melanie, Jeff, Jaymeson, Lexi, Sara and I are all running the Nashville Half Marathon. We've decided to run to support the Lymphoma & Leukemia Society. The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) is the world's largest voluntary health organization dedicated to funding blood cancer research, education and patient services. LLS's mission: Cure leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin's disease and myeloma, and improve the quality of life of patients and their families. Since its founding in 1949, LLS has invested more than $600 million in research specifically targeting blood cancers.

Because of this society's funded research, some of my own treatments were discovered/developed. I owe them so much. Please follow this link, read Melanie's amazing letter and see if you can help us out. A million times thank you. I really believe in this cause. Your donation is tax-deductible and if your business would like to contribute, we are working on t-shirts (among other things) and would love to showcase your logo showing your sponsorship.

I'll be updating our success on the blog. I'm really excited about this.

I love you all,
Shelby

Phew!

2009-02-20T16:25:00.003-06:00

A special thanks to Don, the hwy 50 CVS store manager for going into the back room to find Chicks & Rabbits for me. That's customer service.

I ate many and they completed me.

I'll save you a trip...

2009-02-18T16:46:00.002-06:00

Even though it's now WAY past VD and even though the universe KNOWS I need these more than anything, they're not yet available ANYWHERE near me. They're not at:
Dierbergs
Wal*Mart
Target
Shnucks
Walgreens
or CVS.
There. I just saved you gas and time and most of all HEARTBREAK.

I'll let you know when things change. Hang in there. We'll get through this together.

Happy VD!

2009-02-15T22:29:00.005-06:00

HAppy VD, everyone. Hope you had a good one. Sienna did. She came home from school all floaty and I asked her why. She said that the boy she calls "Comfy Desk" (Austin) came up to her with a gift bag and asked her,"Sienna, will you be my valentine?". No wonder she was floaty. She told him she would. In the bag was a bear and a mug that said LOVE LOVE LOVE. I might die of the cuteness. The next day she wandered around the house singing,"So this is love, mmmm mmmm mmm mmmmmm". (Please don't mock her for it. I'll get in big trouble.)

I remember those feelings. How fun. I remember seeing that happen to girls and being so jealous. Was it in fourth grade? Maybe. I wished on the wishing star that year that Mike Garner would want to be my valentine. I read every card with a very discerning eye... did the Hot Wheels valentine that said,"You drive me wild" from Joey Munoz really mean something more? After all, I had stayed up late choosing exactly which valentine would go to whom and which conversation hearts would be stuffed in the envelope. It was never chance.

Nowadays, there aren't even envelopes. Kids don't write names on them and they're expected to bring a whole box of conversation hearts (which by the way say "text me!" and LOL) for EACH kid. Stupid. I'm glad Comfy Desk still knows the real meaning of that day.

25 Random Things About Camryn

2009-02-07T15:52:00.004-06:00

While I couldn't bring myself to do this about me, here are some things Cams would have us know about her... and also it means I don't have to write it down somewhere else. Why all the focus on Camryn? I'm not sure. Maybe it's my way of finding reasons not to put her in time out for the rest of her life. She's a little tricky... ok, more like just plain MEAN to me. But not all of the time and I do love her very much. She got her hair cut today and it's so cute that I'm in love again. Yes, I'm that shallow.

(These are what she told me today)

She used to be red fashion, but now she's Red Fashion. (Capitalization used for emphAsis)
She doesn't like shows that talk to her like Dora or Little Einsteins because even if you say the wrong answer, they say,"THAT'S RIGHT!!" They don't know what you're thinking. How could they?
Her favorite food is a pumpkin shake made with Splenda. Splenda is her best friend. Ha ha ha. No it's not! You can't be friends with powder!
The thing that annoys her the most is when people sing when she's mad.
She says it's easy to tell if someone is cool because they are usually wearing blue. People who aren't cool wear crazy stuff. She never said she was cool.
She believes a bad doctor is someone who gives caffeine to somebody who has a really hurt toe because then they are going to have to stay awake and feel it.
She asked us yesterday if we were "republican, democrat or hippocrat".
When she grows up she wants to be a geologist because she has "been loving rocks pretty much [her] whole life".
She knows tons of basketball tricks.
She has never played basketball.
She likes to start speaking like this,"this is my opinion so don't say ANYTHING when I'm done..."
She picks her clothes out according to what she wants to be that day. To be a spy she wears all black. To be a rock star, she wears stripes. If she wants to be a cheerleader, she wears a skirt and shirt that are the same color - or close - like red and pink.
The worst thing ever is Tanner at school.
The best thing ever is either when she had a pumpkin shake or got a really big crystal.
She got the "Character Builder" award at school for self-control.
She has no self-control.
"Aren't you gonna ask me what my favorite tree is? Because it's a conifer."
Sometimes she "beeps" for no good reason.
She can't have sugar but if she could she'd have a chocolate chip cookie with white chocolate chips. She doesn't care that she can't have Hershey bars. Yuck.
She's really good at math. The hardest problem she can do in her head is probably 48 x 80. She doesn't know what the answer is, though.
Her favorite part of her body is... wait! no! Don't put that on your blog! MOM!! (She didn't even tell me anything)
She likes tv.
She's President Bush's Self-Proclaimed Biggest Fan.
She loves California because of the beach and the shells.
She believes the temperature can be "too medium" outside

She tags nobody.

Snow Days

2009-02-03T14:19:00.004-06:00

Last week we had two snow days in a row. You know how I feel about snow days. The first day was horrible. I was trying to get all my work done and the kids were being Satan's spawn and they BEGGED me to go out and sled with them. We have a sledding hill. In the summer it's our roll-the-lawn-tractor hill. With the wind chill it was 9°. No thanks. So I finally let them go by themselves and they were back and frozen a few minutes later. Then they thawed and began wishing for another snow day. There's some superstition out here that if you sleep with your pajamas inside-out and with a hammer or something under your pillow - you'll get a snow day. They got their wish and all of the summer swim people came for winter sledding. The smart moms stayed inside with me. I do not like standing out in the cold and I have never loved all the effort that goes into sledding. Ten seconds down the hill and then ten minutes back up carrying some baby sledder who refuses to walk. Bleh. I made up some excuse about taking the new kitty to the vet and left.

On Thursday, our first non-snow day, the kids begged to go sledding after school. FINE. WE'LL GO. Bleh. We all got dressed up and went out there. At first I took some pictures and watched. Then Preslie (She calls herself "Jaymeson Blue" these days) wanted me to go with her. Ok. One time. We flew down the hill. Then I put her on the sled and pulled her back to the top. That wasn't hard. So I started going with all of them. up and down the hill, over and over. Sienna and I went so fast and far that we ran over a small tree and landed in the creek. We laughed our heads off. No wonder Jaym likes sledding so much! If you have the strength and energy to go up the hill, it's really fun! I never knew. What else have I been missing out on because I was such a wimp?? Thank you cancer. Thank you for making me strong enough to love sledding.

somethin' your weaknesses into strengths somethin' somethin'.

2009-01-31T17:14:00.001-06:00

We went to a bird sanctuary today to see the bald eagles that have come for the winter. Those are awesome birds.

Red Fashion

2009-01-26T15:23:00.005-06:00

When Camryn was two, she told everyone her name was Red Fashion. She wore a nasty tinkerbell costume and one glove (her "bakka") every day. When she was three, she said," A bad guy told me yesterday,'You have a beautiful heart!' and I told him,'Yes, but you can't have it, sneaky!" She's toned things down a little, but I still see a little of Red Fashion now and then. Like this recent entry in her school journal:

I look around and I couldn't see anything.

I found the glasses that I'm wharing.

I live in a house.

I got kicked out of the party.

I heared a small sound.

I can live without sugar.

I don't like a cow.

How do you do the splits.

Right now I am happy.

I almost never use my mouth during school.

I always have a eye brow in my eye.

Politically Speaking - Life is Like a Metaphor

2009-01-21T16:05:00.006-06:00

So the Inauguration happened, did you know? I'm trying really hard to be supportive and to lose some of my bias. I want to. It's just really hard. Yesterday in wal*mart, a lady got excited talking to her friend and said,"We're taking over!!!" I heard that right after hearing a bunch of people BOO President Bush and sing,"Na na na na! Na na na na! Hey! Hey! Hey, goodbye!" as he left the White House. Tacky. It hurt my heart. As unpopular as it is, I have a strong love for President Bush. We had a Family Home Evening about him last week. We told the kids about integrity and standing up for what you believe even if it's hard and unpopular. We told a story about President Bush stopping at a refueling in Alaska and spending a great amount of time with the family of a fallen soldier. We read some of his personal testimony of Jesus Christ and also his own conviction that he was called to do what he did and that he knew he'd have to make tough decisions. Even before he was elected he made a promise to never move from his morals - no matter how much it hurt his standing with the majority. We ended the evening writing him "Thank You" notes. Camryn's said,"I like how you don't try to be cool, you try to be good" and it was signed "your biggest fan". Ha ha. Sienna's said,"We are sorry you can't be president anymore and hope you can have a good break. Keep in touch!!" I don't know if he will, but, you know, maybe.

I believe history will be kind to President Bush. We don't have all the facts. What we do know is that he is a man of faith. He prays daily and millions prayed for him. We were kept safe while he was in office. A ruthless dictator was taken out of power saving many lives. A form of democracy was taken to a place that would have never gotten it on its own. Millions of people risk their lives to vote in Iraq. That tells me that there are many grateful people there. Quite a few of my friends have been deployed there and they come back glad we're doing what we are doing. Like I said, we don't have all the facts. What I do know is that a man I believe to be good spent many a sleepless night trying to keep me and my family safe. He worked hard at an impossible job for eight years only to be received with hatred and mocking. Moses freed the children of Israel from the Egyptians and led them around in the wilderness for 40 years. I'm sure he was not very popular most of the time. He was not well-spoken and I'm sure that lead many people to believe he was stupid. He condemned the eat, drink and be merry attitude of his followers and begged them to take responsibility for their own actions. Sounds familiar.

I'm grateful for President Bush. I hope he can relax and be happy. He deserves a bunch of hugs and a long nap. I hope the Lord blesses him with peace, understanding and the ability to let go of his mantle and be freed from the worry he has carried around for the last eight years.

So on to my metaphor. Always metaphors with me... well, sometimes I'll employ a good simile. This is what I feel about the whole OBAMAMANIA!!!! Wahooooooo! situation we've got going on. I feel like a parent watching my thirteen year-old daughter experience infatuation for the first time. (Have you seen the people crying and passing out if Obama even looks at them? Wow.) And maybe the boy she's sure is the one forever and ever isn't really the boy I would choose for her. "He's DREAMY!!!" she says. She's sure they will get married someday and live happily ever after. I have been infatuated before. I understand those feelings. But those intense feelings either die or change into something more real. Infatuation itself doesn't last. It's thrilling and exhausting. I'm watching my daughter (metaphorically) go crazy for this boy and I know it can turn out one of about three ways:

First, he may prove me wrong. Maybe he is a great guy. Maybe he treats her well and she's a better person when she's with him. I hope so. I've seen the kids he hangs out with and I've heard some of the things he has said and I don't think that's the case, but maybe? That would be great.

Or, secondly, he might do something horrible and her bubble will burst and she'll come home, throw herself on her bed and cry her eyes out. Boys are fickle. He might change his mind. He may have promised her one thing but have done another. After a mourning period, she'll walk away wiser and hopefully choose better next time. Also not a horrible reality.

The third option is the one I fear. In the heat of the moment, basking in all this infatuation, she could let her guard down and let him have his way with her. She could end up with a disease or pregnant. She might let him ruin her and her chances for future happiness. This is the reason her immense, quick, die-without-you love is so scary to me. She's jaded by the fact that this dreamy guy is in her life and she's not thinking clearly. He pretty much has a green light. I hope he treats her well or she figures him out before it's too late.

So that's it. I'm sorry for those whom I may have offended, I didn't mean to. I just felt a need to get my feelings out. I love America. I'm happy to see everyone feeling positive about the President and the government for a change. I hope everything turns out better than I have a feeling it might. As metaphorical parents, there's no stopping this love. Let's not lose our heads. We just have to hope, pray and try to set a good example for our daughter America. Let's just love her the best we can. It's all we can do.

And I thought that we walked on water....

2009-01-17T10:58:00.006-06:00

Our lake froze! I knew all that horrible weather was happening for a reason. Have you ever walked on a frozen lake in the sun with no snow around? It's surreal. You can see rocks and moss and dead bodies under your feet. It's like walking on water... literally. "Literally" has to literally be the most overused word ever.

our family

2009-01-16T15:05:00.004-06:00

Here's our family picture that we sent out with the very few unorganized mess of cards that actually made it to the mailbox. We took the picture the day after Halloween. Jaym had a nice handlebar mustachio but trimmed it to this for the picture. My mom thinks he looks like a super-hot movie star. I think he looks like a perv. Don't get me wrong, he's an attractive perv. He's my perv.

Preslie and Camryn's dresses were mine and Lexi's when we were little. How authentic and ugly. I have vivid memories of going to Miniworld at Easter or Christmas time on the rare occasion that my mom didn't sew us something. So much lace and fluffiness. So scratchy and short. "Is that a Jessica McClintock? Wow."

When I went looking for inspiration, it seemed like every picture I found had the girls in the fluffy-fluff and the boys in a tshirt. How was that ok to the moms of the world? "Nah, don't worry about him. He's just a dumb boy. Girls! Come get some more lace!" Ha ha ha ha.

I'm sorry about my Christmas Card issues. I didn't send one local one out... except maybe to the Bishop? (I have to kiss up to keep my sweet calling). I meant to hand them out with something homemade or at least at church, but I missed the last two weeks due to children's yak. I have a bunch leftover... maybe I'll cross out "Meowy Christmas" and give them out on people's birthdays. Just kidding. I'm even worse at birthdays. Well then what should I do with them? Oh, I know. I'll stack them on top of a bookcase for a couple years and then put them in a box in storage until some sort of moisture causes me to throw them away. Yes, that'll do perfectly.

There's a Run in my Nose

2009-01-15T12:37:00.004-06:00

Brrr. When I woke up this morning I could see my breath. I thought,"I knew it would be cold, but this is ridiculous!" When I forced myself out of bed it was all I could do to not climb back in and never get out. What the heck? I went to the thermostat which said it was 48° in my house. Yikes! It was below zero outside, so I guess I wasn't a pioneer, but yikes, right? I reset the system and nothing happened. I took warm clothes up to my kids and proceeded to dress them under the covers. Hats, scarves, legwarmers. They were still cold eating their breakfast of Life and shivers. I went down and flipped some toggles in the control room... ok, the switchbox... to no avail. Freezoid. So I took the big kids to school and came back to see if there was maybe a pilot light out or something? I am dumb in the ways of furnaces. Forgive. Instead, I found a bunch of Mason's junk at the base of the furnace and every switch in the "off" position. When did he do that? I should try watching my kids sometimes. Brrrr and also grrrr.

One way to get warm is to run. (What a transition. That one's for you, Mr. Jeffries.) Melanie and Lexi have decided to join me in Nashville for the half-marathon in April. Awesome. And crazy. I'm glad they signed up before they realized that only crazies run. We all have the Nike+ thingies and we are racing. I'm losing. It's pretty frustrating to be the only one who has run and to be the slowest, but instead of anger or jealousy - I'M SO HAPPY!! I can't describe the feeling of crossing that line. I can't wait to see them do it!! I get a little teary thinking about it. We Prices aren't an athletic bunch. Put us in a parking lot with any other family and at the "race you to the car!" shout, we stand with our arms in the air: "We give. We cannot run to the car." So this is quite a thing they are doing.

Check out my little runner chick on the side. I went a whole half mile on my last run. I'm hoping putting her on here will make me more accountable.

any guesses?

2009-01-04T21:23:00.006-06:00

I should have so much to say but I have no time to think about what and how to say it. I'm in the winding up scenes of the Bazzill catalog and am not quite sure which way is up. (Note to employer - I'll never work overtime during Christmas break again no matter how adorable your rick-rack-pom-pom-textured-sewing-on-paper project is. In January - maybe.)

Here is what I do know:

1. Christmas happened.
2. Moon Sand is the worst substance on the face of the planet.
3. The stomach flu can go through your whole family more than once.
3a. Puke can ruin a brand new rug.
4. There is a stack of Christmas cards in my car that slipped down between the seats. I'll send them tomorrow?
5. 50 kids can fit comfortably in my house for about six hours.
6. Once you let your husband build a 15-foot screen out of your best sheet in your living room to project movies or watch the game on - he'll never be satisfied again.
7. I can say,"The Usual" at Sonic and they will get me my beverage. My friend said that's the day before an intervention.

I think that's the extent of my knowledge. Pathetic. Ask me again in few days and maybe I'll have my brain back. Love to you.

My Mom's Nativity.

2008-12-19T15:00:00.006-06:00

This is what I will wake up to laugh at at 2am.

That's all I have to say about that.

My ugly Christmas cards are ready

2008-12-18T20:54:00.002-06:00

want one? send your updated address to my email shel7by at mac dot com. they're grossy. the end.

I used beans, not gu & I think I PR'd it.

2008-12-09T21:02:00.004-06:00

Happy, cold and nervous before the race... check out my new red racing stripes...

I'm not sure why we're laughing, but I'm laughing right now at Erik's face.

I DID IT!!!

We are hardcore. Well, some of us are...

I did it. I ran more than 13 miles. I didn't walk at all. It was so crazy and so horrible and so fun all at once. I have never scored a goal. I have never shot a basket in a game. I have never spiked a volleyball in someone's face. I am not athletic. Before I got sick, I had never run more than a mile. I tried running for a little before my 10 year reunion, but I never made it past half a mile without walking. I can't say that I love running, but I am so proud of myself I could burst. Yay me!

I was going to go alone and when I arrived at the Charleston airport - there was Jaymeson waiting for me. He's a good boy. Maybe the pets weren't arranged for, lessons might not have been covered and kids didn't have clothes for their stays at friends' houses - but he was there and that was awesome. (Boys!) A few phone calls and all was well. (Thank you Mami and Amy for making that possible - sorry for the unnecessary stresses!) He was so supportive and made me feel so good. I'm so glad he came.

The night before the race I had planned on making a playlist. Unfortunately, I didn't have internet access and couldn't buy the songs I had been thinking of. (No minute like the last minute!) I decided instead to just dump every fastish song I had into a playlist and hit shuffle. Jaymee gave me a blessing the night before and it was answered in part through those songs. At mile four, I was done. D-O-N-E. I had not gone far enough to feel like it would be wasted if I quit. The first couple miles everyone pretty much ran together, but by mile four we had all spread out and I was being passed by everyone. It was very disheartening. I thought, "I knew I wasn't good enough to be here. I should have never tried this. Everyone else makes this look effortless and I'm dying. It's only mile four. I should just go back." I was being a victim. At that same moment "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley was playing.
It said:
And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Possibly

I thought - hey, I can die when I'm done - and I kept running. Slow and steady. My pace was very consistent. By mile eight, I was passing people. That felt awesome. Throughout the rest of the race, songs that I needed to hear and others that fit the people I was thinking about came on at just the right time. It was no coincidence. Jaymee promised me that I'd have help and I did.

I love the camaraderie amongst runners - even if you are a slow, slow newbie. My shirt had my name on it and people would cheer me on personally. People would ask if I was a survivor and then pat me on the back and tell me I could do it. I met an older man who was jogging and in obvious pain. (an older man jogging in pain = shelby running at her top speed) We got to talking and he told me it was his 92nd marathon. Seriously? He had pulled his hamstring ("pulled a hammy") and was going to quit at the half. We talked some more and got to know each other better. I told him my story and he was really sweet about it. When we made it to almost thirteen, I was turning to be done and he limped on the other way saying,"I'm going to finish the marathon - if you can do what you did, I can do this. I'm jogging the second half for you, Shelby." Of course, when I was sick - I didn't have a choice. He was crazy. Almost four hours after I finished he came around that same corner. I ran over and gave him a big hug and he said,"You waited for me! I can't believe you waited for me!" I said,"I can't believe you ran thirteen MORE mile on a hurt leg!"

I can't believe people can run full marathons. Or halves, really. During the race I made me promise me that I'd never do something so horrible again. "Look me in the eyes and promise me!!" I said to myself. "What? Of course I'd never do this again, Self!! This is a nightmare!" Ten minutes after the race was over, I was planning my Nashville run. I don't understand it either. When I saw Jaymee cheering at the end of the race, it was all I could do to get to the finish line. The tears started flowing and I couldn't see. (I have pictures of that, too, they're lovely) They announce your name as you come to the end. Everyone cheers! Then I crossed the line and turned into a gooey puddle of crying shelby. Unfortunately for Erik (my brother-in-law), he was there to catch me. I sobbed and sobbed. Partly because I had no physical strength to stop myself, and partly out of total disbelief. I had crossed the finish line. I was healthy and strong and I had proved it. I am now officially done with this whole cancer thing. I will print this blog into a book and physically shut it. (Of course, I'll still blog, but it's not a cancer blog anymore. It's just a boring shelby blog. Boring is good.)

I survived. I thought about that while I was running. No matter what your trial, you can be a survivor or a victim. Divorce, sickness, hard kids, financial troubles - whatever we go through we get to chose - survivor or victim. A person who gets cancer and dies from it can still be a survivor. Another could live and yet be a victim. It's up to us. A survivor uses everything he has to come through to the other side of a trial with his spirit intact. Maybe not even our bodies. Our spirit is what matters and that is the reason we're here. Heavenly Father will give us hardships our whole lives and then tallies up the columns when we are done. (it may be a little more complex than that.) I hope I have most of my check marks in the "survivors" side.

And now with the knowledge that I - the least athletic person ever who was at the weakest I could possibly be less than a year ago - could do this thing, who wants to join me in Nashville in April? If I can do it - anyone can.

T-Shirts!

2008-12-01T09:26:00.004-06:00

Karen designed t-shirts for my run on saturday. She's the best!! I'm getting one and she thought we should open it up and see if anyone else wants one?? I don't know why you'd want a shirt with my name on the front, but I guess a lot of people buy cars that way, right? The back has the list of my 13 miles. It's pretty darn cute. Not sure about the cost yet, but my friend Jacqui at Artistic Promotions is making them, so I know they will be reasonable. They are ladies' shirts, so remember that for sizing. I'm getting Jaymeson a blue manly man's one... I could probably get a couple more? I dunno. I feel silly even putting this.

Lemme know.

Thank you, Turkey Bunny! Bawk bawk!

2008-11-26T21:04:00.006-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! I have been pondering. Probably because I don't want to clean my house. That's why I did everything today. To get out of cleaning my house. It's avoidance behavior and I am the queen. I did 113 loads of laundry today because it was better than cleaning. I went to Sam's Club and winked at all the other ladies there who were also avoiding the inevitable. So back to pondering. 'Tis the season and all to be grateful. I'm grateful because you are greatful. That was a play on words. Homophone. ANYWAY.

So here's what it is. My race is next Saturday, December 6th. As I was running a "long run" (9 miles- yay me) I was very bored. Bored, bored. Running in a circle for a couple hours is boring, who knew? I thought that it'll be even more boring to run 13 miles. Brittany says the race is 90% mental and 60% of the time she is right EVERY TIME. So I tried my best to come up with some motivation. Something to make those miles fly by. And of course I pondered why I signed up for this crazy race anyway. I've never run before. I don't like it. So why? It's because sick people can't run 13 miles and I am not sick. I think that's really why. It's proof. Like when you give someone a t-shirt that you made and then you see them wear that t-shirt and think,"hey, I exist. If I didn't, they'd be naked." Proof. See?

So here is the rest: I've made the number 13 significant by having it be the sum of 12 weeks of chemo and 1 month of radiation. It's also the number of people who sacrificed so much to come and spent a week with me. These people all have busy lives!! Paid for their own flights, cleaned my house, played with my kids - basically my slaves and all because of love. My mom, Melanie W., Julene, Katie, Dave & Kristin, Amy K., Brittany, Jamey, Melanie S., Tami, Nancy and Andrea. It is still so overwhelming to me. So many other people and groups helped as well. I've decided to dedicate a mile to everyone that made my recovery possible. I know that doesn't sound like anything and it really isn't, but I promise that for that mile I'm going to think about you and what your service meant to me. Inevitably, I will forget someone. I almost didn't do this because I knew I would. A lot of that time is foggy for me. Please forgive me. I do love you, I promise!

(Of course, I owe all the miles I'll ever walk to the Lord, so that's just a given.)

These are not in order of love. This is long and boring and I don't think you need to read it all. Just do what I would do and skip to YOU.

Mile ONE: This mile is for Melanie. She was there at the beginning. She was with me when I found out. I've said it before and I'll say it again, that was no accident. Heavenly Father knows my needs and He let me be with her so we could laugh about it. She came right out and took care of me when Mom left and got me through losing my hair. She made this blog for me. There's no way I would have taken the time to write down this stuff without it. It is a treasure to me. (She also taught Mason how to do the dishes. Teach a man to fish - that's what that was.) She and Jeff paid for Jaymee to fly out and come get me. Jeff helped so much, too. He gave me a great blessing and would even call from time to time to see how I was. Those Wellmen really care. I'm hoping thinking about her will help me to not be afraid or have doubts about my abilities to get through this - just like it did before. I love you too much, Mel.

Mile TWO: Jaymeson. How tacky of me to put my husband after Melanie. He's the most important thing in the world to me. Truth is, however, it wasn't until mile two that he was able to start running with me and I couldn't be more grateful. When I first found out what was going on, nobody was more devastated than Jaymee. He knew too much. He'd seen the reality of cancer every day for the last four years. He was so shaken. I'm grateful. I never knew until those moments how much he loved me. I married up, you see, and so I always assumed I loved him way more than he could ever love me. He's closer than I thought. And we're closer now because of it. Poor husbands. They hear, see, and get in trouble for it all, don't they? I am truly myself around him and he's seen my dark side. I can neither confirm nor deny tears occurred on more than one occasion during this trial - but if they did, Jaymee was always there to wipe them away. He would have also held my hair back when I threw up, but that wasn't necessary, so he would pat my back. He told me what I needed to know and held back what I didn't. In that way, I think it was much harder for him. He told me I was beautiful with half an eyebrow and blue paint all over my chest. He was there for all of my chemos and all the junk that came after them. He is an amazing oncologist now and his patients are already benefitting from his struggle with the disease. Nobody, including me, gave him enough credit. He should have had help and a blog and blankets sent to him because it was as much of a trial in his life as it was mine. He's amazing. Mile two will be an easy one. I have lots to think about and be grateful for... not to mention the fact that thinking of Jaym will give me some extra adrenaline, if you know what I'm talking about and I think you do...

Mile THREE: My Price family. Before I even got home from the hospital there were packages and letters from my family and my cousins. Lexi sent us a bunch of toys and magazines and love. I know she wanted come out more than anything, but her trials are harder than mine and she couldn't leave them behind. I knew she wanted to and that counts as much as if she came. She was doing a better, harder work at home. Katie came out and stayed up all night with me when I couldn't sleep. We laughed and laughed. I'm lucky to have her as a sister. Jamey came out and worked his whole break on our sunroom and building forts for my kids. All of my extended family sent packages and letters and a freezer. Granddad was too generous yet again. My Aunt Nancy flew out and helped and I feel so lucky to have the chance to get to know her better. She's wonderful. I work full-time for Doug & Marti and they gave me the time off WITH PAY. That was so huge. They took away my worries so I could just think about getting better. Bazzill has always been so great. I love everyone there. Lisa is a good handler and made sure I was never overworked or had to work when I was sick. I was born into a goodly family.

Mile FOUR: My Stroud family. I know that I didn't even think twice about Jaymee's family when I married it because I was so focused on Jaymee. I certainly lucked out. They are all so good to me. They have always treated me so wonderfully and this was no exception. There are step-sisters and step-brothers and step-steps and I think maybe Jaymee and I are even related somehow but it doesn't matter because we all family. They sent packages and called and built rooms with their bare hands and bare money. Dave & Kristin, Melanie, Brittany and Andrea all came. Julene came twice! That's a lot of love. Melanie and I have been friends our whole lives and that was a week I will treasure because we stayed up reading our yearbooks and journals that we kept with each other. We were and are DORKS. I love you, dork. I'm glad we fulfilled our 7th grade dream of marrying "hottie brothers".

Mile FIVE: Shiloh/O'Fallon 1st Wards. Our ward split a couple years ago, but you'd never know it when I was sick. I got help from both. I had so many meals and pies and babysitting and love. I remember one day Denise called and said,"I'm going to the grocery store and to Target. What do you need?" Stuff like that happened every day. People took my kids to the zoo and to the park and to the pumpkin patch - their life was more fun then than it is now. Vivian came over once and said,"I have seven minutes, what do you want me to clean?" I'm amazed at what she can do in seven minutes. Karen sent me fun emails in the middle of the night when she knew I was awake. I always had babysitting when I went to chemo (which could take up to eight hours!) and dinner when I got home. This is the gospel of Jesus Christ. We lift and carry each other and mourn with those that mourn. It's another reason the church is true. This is how Christ's church would act. I love you all and I'm so glad I get to stay here and hopefully do some good for you.

Mile SIX: Old friends. I still can't get over the fact that Amy White-Knowlton came and spent a week helping me out when we hadn't seen each other in over seven years. That was so much fun and more kind than I can believe. (I hope that she's not still pregnant with her baby - i haven't heard and she was overdue by like a month last I checked). Tami Wellman-Gordon found a way out here as well. Unbelievable! I think about it all the time... would I be able to find enough babysitters and finances,etc. to take a week and go help an old friend? I would hope so, but I don't even know if it's possible. What a huge sacrifice. You guys are my sisters.

Mile SEVEN: New friends. What would my life be like without Amy and Mami? Don't think it's lamey that they rhyme with Jaymee. It's how I choose my closest associates. Rhyme. Amy was my personal assistant. She set up all the dinners, play dates, and anything else that was going on. She called or came over EVERY DAY. Without fail. Mason pretty much lived at her house and she ran my kids everywhere. I called her from the hospital in Arizona and she said,"Let's hope your plane crashes into an island with cancer-curing powers. It's the best we can pray for right now." That made me laugh and laugh and she continues to make me laugh. I'm a lucky girl. Mami took me to my chemos and pulled things out of her cleavage. That's love, mister. She listened to me complain and whine and yet still nodded her head silently when people said,"That Shelby is a trooper. She never complains." She knows all my deepest, darkests and loves me anyway. Her family and mine are one in a very annoying way. I really think of all the Youngs as my family. I love them all so much and they are so good to me.

Are you still reading this? What if I say,"love them all so much" again? Will that be the final straw? Or is it because I haven't mentioned you yet? We're past half way. We can do it!!

Mile EIGHT: Dr. Bartlett and modern medicine. We live in a day of rush in, wait forever, spend ten seconds with your doctor and then pay on your way out. Dr. Nancy Bartlett is probably the best Lymphoma specialist in the world. Really. And yet, she took the time to learn my kids' names, look at pictures, play with my wig and make me feel human in a time when it was a struggle. I am grateful for chemo. I'm grateful for doctors and scientists who thought of taking someone to the point of death and then bringing them back as a way of saving them. I'm grateful for radiation. Who knew that harnessing these scary powers could do so much good? Or buy me this great house?

Mile NINE: My Kids. They are better than yours. They loved everyone who came unconditionally. Sienna wrote me notes and poems and explained everything to anyone who wanted to know about "having cancer". Camryn was the one who brought me glasses of water all the time. Even without me asking. mason put away his mania for a few months and Preslie learned to not sit right on my chest. I think it will be interesting to watch her grow up, because she was raised at such an important stage by so many. She is the ward mascot now and is really spoiled.

Mile TEN: This BLog. Oh look! YOU. You made it. I love this blog. I love all of the comment and support. It kept me going and motivated me to write things down. Something about finding one's voice is healing. I found old friends and did better keeping in touch. I could access you day or night and there was always something there waiting for me. I made friends from other countries and have never felt so loved. Thank you guys. Really.

Mile ELEVEN: Brittany. By the time I get to mile eleven, I will have run farther than I ever have. I have Brittany to thank for that. She is the one who encouraged me to try it. She actually thought I could do it. She calls me and listens to me complain about how slow I am and answers stupid questions like, "when I'm running, I want to go forward, right?" She's been very patient. She also came out when I was sick and also got on Shelfari and found out all the books I've wanted to read and bought them and mailed them to me. That meant a lot because I love to read more than anything. She is a good sister and I want to be more like her. I get to run this race with her and I'm thinking since she is running the whole marathon that she'll probably be lapping me about this point.

Mile TWELVE: Mom. I put mom down here at mile twelve on purpose. By mile twelve I know I am going to feel so tired. I am going to think it's impossible and I'm going to be scared. That's how my mom felt and she came out here anyway. She's afraid to fly, but she got on a plane and came and took over my busy life all the while dealing with cancer yet again. I couldn't ask for a better mom. If there is any good in me - any fun, any service or any overwhelming love for others - I got it from her. Anything that I have accomplished in this life is because of who she made me. She is the ultimate cheerleader and I know thinking of her will get me through this hard mile. I love her with all my heart.

Mile THIRTEEN: Me. This last mile is for me. It'll be easy to think about me for a mile. I do it all the time. But really, this one is for me. There was a lot of icky stuff that I didn't want to do during this trial. I remember wishing on the wishing star that something would happen and I wouldn't have to go to my last chemo. I wanted to quit so much. I was sick and tired and miserable. But I did it. I found a strength I didn't know I had and the Lord increased my capacity for suffering. It made me better. Literally and figuratively. I did that and I can do mile 13.

So that's it. I bet you feel like you just ran a half. Good for you. Go eat an extra piece of pie - you earned it.

Soundtrack of my life

2008-11-24T11:00:00.002-06:00

The Truth about Cats and Dogs. Shreks 1,2 & 3. Reality Bites. So I Married an Axe Murderer. Lost Boys. Some Kind of Wonderful. All of these movies - even if they weren't all great movies - had great soundtracks. I love soundtracks because it is a bunch of different music by different groups or people - but they all have a similar somethin'. Am I right? Turns out, my life has a soundtrack. It's not a good one. Nobody will buy it in heaven. Even if somebody rents the movie of my life, it's not going to make them wanna buy the soundtrack. I want to kill it with a hammer. I have a quirk that allows me to remember any song or jingle I ever hear. The downside is that the dj in my brain will select from these songs and play them whenever he sees fit. I have no say. For example, every time I have brushed my teeth for as long as I can remember I hear,"I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical from Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical!!" Every time. Whenever I use the turn signal in Jaym's car I hear,"Drip drip drop little April showers humming a tune as you fall on the ground!" from Bambi. When did my brain record that one? When I was five?? If I happen upon twins or people dressed the same I think,"A double pleasure's waiting for you! A double pleasure from double mint gum! That double fresh feeling making you realize double mint's the one for you!" Am I crazy? Does anyone else do this? Does anyone else get a can of soda out of the fridge and think,"you put the can in your hand and just pop the top! Yo, Chris? Whassup, bro? What's that in your hand? It's the S to the P R-I-T-E! Why? Cuz it's a life saver when you need a thirst quencher - like a kiss with a lymon twist! Now you know that's kickin'. WORD! Drink up! Drink up is what you gotta do! Why? Cuz I like the Sprite in you." Make it stop. Maybe I should start a support group. I know Melanie, too, cannot say "It's delicious!" without following it up in her mind or out loud with "ask the dishes! They can sing they can dance! after all, dear, this is France!" Will YOU be attending our meetings?

Hark hear the bells! So many bells! What's with the bells? Too many bells!

2008-11-15T15:57:00.005-06:00

'Tis the season for saying 'tis. 'Tis also the season for bell-ringers at every store. I was thinking about them today. Thinking about them for a long time. Thinking about how they ring that bell allllllll day. Ding a ding a ling a ding ding ding ding. Does it give them a headache? Do they hate bells after they are done? Or more likely, are they eventually able to tune them out and hear less of that ongoing bell? Do they hear bells when someone else is ringing them? Can they go somewhere else in their brains and think about other things and not hear the bell at all? "It seems almost impossible," I thought to myself. At the same moment that I thought that, I became aware that the room was silent, signaling that Camryn was finished telling me another one of her dreams in excruciating detail. "Wow, Cams. That's really weird," I said - even though I hadn't heard a single word.

500 MILES!!!

2008-11-13T12:03:00.002-06:00

I did it! 500 miles! Woohoo. I have logged 500 miles on Nike+ since January. I can only log miles if I am doing a dedicated run in my shoes with my iPod. There were many runs where I forgot it, but I'm only counting the runs I logged. In January, my average mile was 18 minutes. I could barely walk up the stairs. Last month I ran 68 miles with an average pace of 11'07 min/mi. I know that isn't very fast, but look how far I have come! I have a healthy body now. 500 miles prove it.

Fall fall fall

2008-11-09T17:33:00.005-06:00

Sienna

2008-11-05T21:07:00.002-06:00

Tonight at activity days, the activity involved writing (anonymously) something you like about everyone in the room - including yourself. For herself, Sisi wrote,"She's always thinking of me".

The Dawning of a Brighter Day

2008-11-05T10:29:00.002-06:00

Anyone who knows me probably can't imagine I would write a title like that on a day like today. Back in January when I was getting daily radiation therapy, I had to drive about 45 minutes each way. I became addicted to talk radio (we have a great FM station here). It was the beginning of the election frenzy and I was on board. Since then I have listened to and read everything I could get my hands on. I mourned when Romney had to bow out. I cheered when Sarah Palin and her big family and conservative values joined Mccain. I think I began to scare people a little with my obsession. I teared up as I voted yesterday and prayed hard for Mccain. I was angry with Obama and his supporters. Angry that abortion was fine with them. Angry that we didn't know what he was up to or what he really was going to do. Angry that that was ok with so many Americans. I love America. I didn't want "change" for change's sake. I love freedom of Religion. I want to be able to say that I am pro-life and that I believe marriage is between a man and a woman without being told I'm a bigot or that I didn't care about women. I love capitalism. I was sad that we had gone through 13 years of really hard times to get Jaymee into a practice only to have it taken away. I love that we are the most generous country on earth. I didn't like being told we weren't. But I have to stop right there. I've gotten off course and forgotten what I learned today. My point is that I was passionate about this election.

Last night when I saw that Obama had won I cried and cried. Unfortunately, Jaym was in a benadryl coma because he lost a battle with poison ivy making us a huge fire pit in the back yard so I was all alone in my grief. I came upstairs and began to pray. I prayed that my sadness could be replaced with peace. I prayed to know that this was indeed the will of the Lord. I don't like being angry. I don't like those dark feelings. I begged Heavenly Father to grant me understanding and then I went to sleep. It was a restless night. I tossed and turned and wrote a scathing blog in my mind about how it's the end of the world and it stinks. Also, every time I woke up, however, the phrase "perilous times must come" came to my thoughts. Over and over all night long.

This morning when I woke up, I went straight to my computer and typed in the phrase in to the search on lds.org. A talk by President Hinckley came up called "the Dawning of a Brighter Day". It says that "peril is not a new condition for the human family." It mentions the war in heaven, Noah's day and other times in the Old Testament, the wars in the Book of Mormon and about poor Moroni wandering alone without a people because they had all been killed off. It talks about the apostasy and the plague where 50 million people died and those who were left worried whether humanity had a future at all.

But then came the Renaissance. Light, science, healing, art. The Restoration of the gospel through the Prophet Joseph Smith. It didn't mean evil was gone - evil manifested itself as persecution and hatred. Charles Dickens was quoted saying,"It was the best of times and the worst of times... it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”

We are in a great time. The work of the Lord is moving across the earth. Knowledge increases every day. People can be cured of cancer. The world is more educated than ever. President Hinckley said,"Man’s ingenuity knows no end when the God of heaven inspires and pours out light and knowledge."

These are also perilous times. It would seem as if many people are choosing evil over good. Or choosing not to care. The end of his talk was the part I was supposed to read the most. I'm just going to paste it here because I can't say it any better: (italics added because they are pretty)

"Do we really comprehend, do we understand the tremendous significance of that which we have? This is the summation of the generations of man, the concluding chapter in the entire panorama of the human experience.

But this does not put us in a position of superiority. Rather, it should humble us. It places upon us an unforgiving responsibility to reach out with concern for all others in the Spirit of the Master, who taught, “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matt. 19:19). We must cast out self-righteousness and rise above petty self-interest.

We must do all that is required in moving forward the work of the Lord in building His kingdom in the earth. We can never compromise the doctrine which has come through revelation, but we can live and work with others, respecting their beliefs and admiring their virtues, joining hands in opposition to the sophistries, the quarrels, the hatred—those perils which have been with man from the beginning.

Without surrendering any element of our doctrine, we can be neighborly, we can be helpful, we can be kind and generous.

We of this generation are the end harvest of all that has gone before. It is not enough to simply be known as a member of this Church. A solemn obligation rests upon us. Let us face it and work at it.

We must live as true followers of the Christ, with charity toward all, returning good for evil, teaching by example the ways of the Lord, and accomplishing the vast service He has outlined for us.

May we live worthy of the glorious endowment of light and understanding and eternal truth which has come to us through all the perils of the past. Somehow, among all who have walked the earth, we have been brought forth in this unique and remarkable season. Be grateful, and above all be faithful. This is my humble prayer, as I bear witness of the truth of this work, in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen."

I am humbled today that even though I don't always do my part, the Lord reaches out and answers my prayers. He lead me to this talk and I do feel peace. I feel like getting over my feelings about the election and showing a greater love to all of the people around me. That's all I have power over. Our country and its fate is and always has been in the hands of the Lord. We need to do our best and be grateful to live in such an amazing time.

Sorry this is so long. I had to share.

Obligatory Halloween Pics

2008-11-01T23:57:00.004-05:00

I have much to say. It was a sad and good and bad week. Maybe I can write about it tomorrow. But for now, HALLOWEEN!! My kids have lost the true spirit of Halloween, or maybe they never had it. They didn't run from house to house knocking over little dinosaurs and vampires in their haste. They didn't eat half their candy before even getting home. They didn't want to go to "one more house". When we got home they gave me their bags and told me I could combine them into one (or five) big bowls. Sharing their candy and not even weighing it? They didn't take the time to sort it or find which was the biggest. They didn't care if I ate all the best ones. I just did. I didn't have to pretend to "check it" or call "mom tax" or anything. It was pathetic. I'm not even proud of them. I am sad.

I love Halloween.

At least they looked the part.

Ms. P the kitty. I had this same costume made by my mom when I was her age. Then Travis did. Then Lexi. Carson had to cut off the feet to make it work...

Mason never got the chance to "clean the boat". Unfortunate. Why is this underlined?

Cams is a very happy pirate. I don't know why. No candy on Halloween. I'd be a jerk pirate.

Sisi was a British Supergirl. Why? Because it's an English tradition. Whatever that means.

Sometimes all you can do is pray.

2008-10-24T12:52:00.002-05:00

My uncle Gordon passed away this morning. It was a freak thing. If what I've been told is true, he was playing racquetball and suffered a massive heart attack and died right there. So here I sit with my heart in my hand, watching it wimper out the beats. Sometimes when I look at it and it is so sad I wonder if it will ever be all the way happy again. Gordon was so young. They just met their first grandbaby a few weeks ago. His wife Rosemary is one of the world's perfect people. She is fun, sweet, knowledgeable, generous and good. She has tremendous faith and I know she can get through this but at the same time I think, "just because she can, doesn't mean she should have to!" She shouldn't have to. My heart is broken for her. My heart aches for their kids who will now wish every day for a dad to be able to hold their babies and watch them grow. It is too sad. I love you guys so much.

I am far away and of no use. I hope to get on a plane and at least be able to hug people soon. Until then, all I can do is pray. I hope my prayers are little threads in that blanket of peace that they will be using. Keep them in your prayers, too.

come on baby wreck my fire

2008-10-21T15:31:00.004-05:00

A gas fireplace is something of a marvel. It is so much more complex than it appears. At the bottom, there is a layer of fine sand. Then there is a mix of insulation/lint-type stuff with a smattering of what looks like fool's gold. Then there are various shapes and sizes of black lava rock. When it's all put together, it looks very realistic. The lint lights up like hot coals. The fool's gold glitters and shines. When it is all taken apart and strewn all over your living room, it doesn't have the same effect. I would have never known the trouble someone went through to make my fire look so darn great. Thank you, Preslie. Thank you for helping me to not take that for granted again. And thank you Camryn for spending a couple hours with me cleaning it up. Camryn said, "I think this is one of my talents! Picking out tiny rocks. It's like my running talent. Anybody can run, but I can run faster. Anybody can pick up little rocks, but I'm probably the fastest." Let her never hide that one under a bushel.

She is a fast runner. We found that out when we did our Rock Springs Park 5k (our third year!!) this weekend and Camryn stayed by my side the entire time. She was talking and laughing and I was huffing and crying. She took second place in the the 15 and under girls. (I also took silver, but there were few runners in my division.) It is a fun tradition. I can't believe my kids love doing it so much. I have never been an athlete (I'm still not) and I would not have enjoyed a run when I was young, much less paid my own way for the opportunity. Sienna was only a couple minutes behind us. She won a $25 gift certificate to a running store. I'll take that, thank you very much. I have about six weeks until my first (and only ) half-marathon. I am not ready at all and feeling like I shouldn't have ever signed up. I thought at the time,"I have five months to train. I can do it. It'll be a great way to once again tell cancer to stick it." Too bad in September I couldn't run much due to that radiation garbage. I'm still not back to where I was in the beginning of August and I have only ever jogged 7.3 miles. Will I be able to do thirteen by December? Any tips for me? Should I fake an injury? What kind of injury? Should it happen now or should I wait until I am there and have eaten the delicious pasta dinner? What kind of injury would get me out of the race but not out of the massage? There are no books with these kind of answers.

Ahhh, I feel justified

2008-10-14T21:58:00.003-05:00

Left-justified, that is. I couldn't bear the sight of my centered-text site. That's why I haven't been around. It's not like I haven't been on the web, remember I've been to the end of the internet. I just have issues with the fact that I'm a designer and yet I haven't "designed" my own blog. I don't know how. There. I said it. I'm getting old in my field. I am a print designer and print is dying. I'm getting help, though. Not for my dying media, but for my blog. It will be a masterpiece. And I'll shout out my front door,"HEY ELDER UCHTDORF! LOOK WHAT I CREATED!!!"

(Today I ripped out all the dead stems out of my hostas and made a four foot tall ghost out of them. It is scary - but not in a Halloween way. I didn't even whisper to Elder U about that one.)

So while I haven't been on my blog, I have been ghost-writing a couple others as well as hitting "next blog" a few times just to see what the bloggods wanted me to see. I saw a blog about a guy in Argentina who has never been cared about and who was plotting his revenge. The Care Bear inside me forced me to write a comment about how I cared about him and maybe he could forgive and puppies and butterflies and hearts ... luckily, in the nick of time (what does that mean?) my inner-scrooge had concocted an entire scenario for me in which a bitter Argentinian followed my comment back to my left-justified blog and found a way to add me to his list. So I didn't post it. The next blog I saw was kept by a Japanese girl. She put "LOL" in between words, after all sentences and pretty much anywhere there was text. My first thought was that she didn't know what that TLA (three-letter acronym) meant only that it was "American" and maybe on her Hannah Montana notebook. Upon further investigation I noted the site was covered in pictures of the Jonas Brothers and using my time in Japan as a guide, she probably was LOLing the whole time - even if it was more like a tiny giggle with her hand over her mouth. That made me LOL in a similar fashion.

These girls look like they are on their way to Creative Escape 09.

It's because a favorite blog i read begins each entry with "it's because"...

2008-10-07T13:58:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I get feeling guilty when I haven't written in a while. I get feeling sad when I don't have new comments to look forward to. But what can I do? My life can be pretty boring and that is good. Drama = yucky most of the time. I did get a ticket a couple weeks ago but I didn't have some cheeky way of getting out of it. I just agreed with the guy. I was speeding. I'll probably do it again. I didn't learn any great lesson. It was an unblogworthy ticket.

Hooray for October. It's almost Halloween. What's not to love? Halloween is the perfect holiday. You can do as little or as much as you want. No guilt. If you want to make yourself into a clothes dryer with a window so people can see the clothes moving around - GREAT! (Although hypothetically speaking, you'll only want to carry that giant box around for about a block and a half. You'll eventually go home and put on an old cheerleading costume to increase your aerodynamics and candy-getting ablilities.) If you'd rather put a "Hi my name is___" sticker on and write a name that is not your own - ALSO GREAT. And there's candy. You take your kids to strangers' houses, force them to tell you how cute they are and then they give you candy for your troubles. I cannot get enough candy or kid-compliments. Hip! Hip!

So far only Jaymeson knows for sure what he wants to be. He has been growing a bushy thick mustachio for some time now. Mason thinks he probably wants to be a pirate. I asked him why and he said,"they get to wipe the floors and clean the boat." Seriously. What is up with him? I told he could go as a maid. They get to clean everything all day long. "They don't get swords, though." When he's right, he's right. Right?

Then this is the part where I talk about conference. Ours didn't come through on tv and we had to go to the church. I loved it much but missed the jammies and the food and the nail-painting and the sending the kids to another room when they get obnoxious. (Did you know conference is a podcast? Sweet.) I think overall my impression was, "BUCKLE UP!" I think we have some tough roads ahead and that we will need hope and faith to get us through. I have been on food storage patrol ever since we moved into this house. It's tricky. Wheat berries don't look like berries at all! I think our friend Bruce Tieman had it right when he said,"I'm just going to get a bunch of Peanut M&Ms. People will get to a point where they'll trade anything for peanut m&ms." I have a large supply if you guys decide you're sick of wheat berries. We caught some fish our of our petite lake on saturday. I figure there's probably a thousand in there and they count towards our year-supply. Along with our 5 deer and one rockchuck. I sold my couches on craig's list and bought a wheat grinder. What I really want is a rug, but I'm sure if we were hungry a big, soft rug would bring little comfort. You can't eat a rug. You can't eat a kitchen table. You can't eat all the things I want for this house. That's why I gotta get that stuff first. I hate being disciplined. Isn't that the hardest part of life? (typed shelby while shoving gummy bears into her face)

CREATE!

2008-09-28T16:27:00.008-05:00

Last night Elder Uchtdorf gave me permission to neglect my kids. Not really, but it was so great to hear someone say,"Stop ignoring that intense desire to create!" It is something I have felt all my life. Luckily, I have a job that lets me tap into it frequently, but it's still not the same as creating something I want to. Almost every time I felt the urge I throw it into work instead of painting, decorating, cooking, laughing, drawing, sculpting, etc. I have done those things now and again but I have had guilt about it because I could have been cleaning my kitchen or ironing Jaymeson's pajamas. Camryn asked me to draw a hermit crab for her last sunday and Julene (my mother-in-law) said,"I didn't know you could draw!". I need to do more of it. After I got over wanting to be a whale rider at sea world, I wanted to teach Art in elementary school. When I got to college, my councilor told me there weren't any Art teachers anymore so I should try elementary ed or fine art. I decided I wanted to illustrate kids books. Just like you wanted to be in a famous rock band or in the moving picture shows. Not likely. But I did love my classes and was most happy when I was painting or drawing. Uchtdorf said that we feel that joy because it is God-like to create. Take unorganized matter and organize it in a beautiful way. Create and have compassion. That's where joy is. So I'm going to do it more. I illustrated a christmas book about ten years ago and I think I want to get it published. I want to paint a huge painting of "wishes" for my family room wall. So many things and only the rest of my life to do it. I am happy just thinking about it.

today

2008-09-27T15:27:00.007-05:00

today i bought a bird necklace from a midget. jaymeson fixed our paddleboat and took the kids out on our mini-lake. don't call it a pond. it's a petite lake. in it resides at least one snapping turtle. don't rock the boat.

yesterday i went to the cardinals game and had a blast. i'm not going to lie to you, one of my favorite parts is yelling, "Go Pu!!!!". i also took my littlests to an apple orchard and picked many a jonagold. we fed some goats and were "chicken pirates" with baby chickens sitting on our shoulders. arrggghh! on a related note, last friday (not yesterday! sheesh) was "Talk Like a Pirate Day". we went to dinner with tami and scott that night and Jaymee said to me, "HEY! guess what today is???" and then at the same time we said,"ARRGGHHH! Talk like a pirate day!!" i love love. don't you just love love?

thursday I played with my mother-in-law and no kids all day.

in my kitchen right now are the following:
1. two dozen krispy kreme donuts
2. three dozen chocolate chip cookies
3. brownies from jaymeson's work
4. some sort of gooey ice cream banana fudge frozen bliss
5. fruit flies

my mom called me this smorning (you say smorning, too, don't you?) and told me she finished "The Book Thief". we talked about it and then i went out to my car and cried about it again. i'm a sucker for that book. it owns me. Zusak stretched and yanked my heart all different ways and puppets my tears anytime I think of it. i think I'm going to read it again now. not now, then - when I said "now" the first time.

you're up to date.

Honest to blog

2008-09-24T17:21:00.011-05:00

Also, heavens to betsy. I went in for my PET scan today. It always makes me nervous. I feel like each time I'm being suspended over an icky bog of cancer. Will they drop me this time or will I walk away unscathed? Happily, I am still winning!! CLEAN SCAN! Phew.
Stick it, cancer.

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers yet again.

While I'm on the cancer topic (how rare), I thought I'd share a cool experience I had at Creative Escape in Arizona. The first night there, Heidi Swapp told the story of how after leaving last year's conference, I only lasted a couple hours before being admitted to the hospital... you know the rest. She also talked about how my uncle Doug's (Mr. Bazzill) mom Millie was diagnosed with breast cancer this past year. Then they said they wanted to use all those generous scrappers for good. They raffled off a couple tickets to a scrapper's cruise and made $6,000. They thought that wasn't enough so they decided to auction off Tim Holtz's shirt right off his back. If you don't know him, he's an amazing designer from Ranger Industries who came to teach at CE. All the ladies have a bit of a crush on him. And boy can that guy sell his wares. My aunt's store couldn't keep up.

Tim Holtz

Anyway, one of the gals there bid $6,000! Sheesh. That was four times the highest bid in the running. Her grandparents died of cancer, so it was a cause near to her heart. So overall, $12,000 for the American Cancer Society. I was really moved by the whole thing. Another great thing that came from this trial. I wish I could personally hug each of the people who donated. I tried but there are only so many hours in a day.

This is another survivor I met at the conference. (somebody buy me a new shirt!! Maybe this is my only one?) I'm in a cool club now with matching tattoos and scars and such. I'm not going to lie to you, it's pretty exclusive. Maybe it'll get more exclusive with all these donations. I hope you never get to join.

PET Scan

2008-09-23T22:35:00.000-05:00

Shelby is getting her PET scan on Wednesday and doesn't get the results until Thursday. I am sure she could use your thoughts and prayers these next few days that all goes well and that they don't find a single thing and that she is still cancer free. I know she just heads through this kind of stuff alone all the time because she doesn't want to worry any of us - but sometimes I think it's nice to know so that we can keep her in our prayers. They don't think there is reason to believe that anything is back - it's just a routine scan, but I know we always worry until we know for sure. Thanks!
Melanie

She's two

2008-09-23T18:42:00.005-05:00

Ms. P is two. Where's my baby?

Why I shouldn't be allowed out of my house OR My Zany Adventure with Michael Mclean

2008-09-16T21:08:00.005-05:00

Last weekend I went to Time Out For Women for the first time. Friday night was kind of strange. It's probably normally very good. I think maybe they just weren't on their game. Maybe the spirit missed its flight out here. I don't know. But it was a little bit, um, not so much? A lot of talk about prozac being holy and "don't EEEVEN get me started on women and chocolate, am I right ladies?? And your husbands, do they love the remote or WHAT?!! Ha ha ha!" Anyway, Michael Mclean was one of the ... performers (?) ... he spoke and sang. I guess it just wasn't my thing. A little too gooey or something. So to ease my yuckness a little, I started blogging in my head (you know you do it) and I was trying to think of a way of saying it wasn't really my bag, baby. I decided I needed a picture of him to go with it (you know you do that too.) So afterwards, my friend Kim and I go up to snap a little somethin'. I didn't want to be rude, so I thought of a fact that didn't reveal where I stood on his music that I could tell him. I said, "My senior year, I listened to Like A Lighthouse every day". That's true - isn't it Amy? He leaned over and whispered in my ear, "That's by Michael Webb. He's a friend of mine. I'll tell him." If he didn't have his arm around me I could have run away. Instead he held tighter and I got to bask in the embarrassing glow while he laughed about it. I wish I would have thought to say,"You didn't let me finish! I was going to say, 'I listened to that stupid song every day and I was so mad because it wasn't one of yours. Plus, I think that song is dirty.'"

Look at me. Sweet kid. I think he's about to tell me he's a big fan of mine or something that won't make me want to hide.

My red, red face. Caught on film. Thank you, Kim.

The next day was great. I'm so glad because I thought maybe I didn't have a soul.

Sorry, Michael.

One year

2008-09-11T19:31:00.006-05:00

On the way to the hospital in Arizona with Melanie, I yelped and then we hit a curb. She asked me why I knew to yelp before it happened and I said,"because I'm a precog." (Remember those psychics from Minority Report?) Little did I know that within a couple weeks I'd really look like one. And I had no idea what the real future held for me.

Last week I went to Arizona for the same "Creative Escape" weekend that I worked at last year when I found out I was sick. It was bittersweet. The first night we were there, I slept in the same bed that I had laid in the year before staring up at the fan wondering if the pain would go away or if I should go wake up Melanie. I was also wondering if the hit I could receive from Jeff (he's violent in his sleep and scary to wake up) would hurt more than the pain I was already in. I watched that ceiling for what seemed like forever. This time I went to bed in that room just about an hour after running my first 10k race (the Nike Human Race - why saturday night? long story.) I couldn't have done that last year.

Mel and I last year at Creative Escape

And this year at Creative Escape. Yes, that's my new hair. Dark, huh?

I feel better. I wake up every day grateful. I really do. I'm so happy to have energy and to be able to do everything for myself. I'm even happy when I have to shave my legs. Hooray for hair! I'm happy I get to be here for all the little monkey things my kids (including Jaymee) do. (Like when Preslie asked Sienna to open something for her and Sienna told her to go ask someone else so P went up to the cat and said,"Oscar? Open dis for me, peas?") I'm grateful to have more time to improve myself. More time to get better in the ways that really count.

So what else remains?

Physically, I have some weird scratch marks on my side, chest and back. From the chemo of all things. It looks like chemo has sharp nails and we got in a fight. I won, but the scars remain. I have a nice scar on my chest from my biopsy that has a dent under it. I can't help but stick my finger in it. As for my fingers, the feeling never came back to the tips. It feels like there is super glue stuck on the ends. Maybe my super power is being able to touch hot things and not feel it. Now that my nails have grown back, it doesn't really bother me because I don't touch as much with my fingertips. I wake up to my chest feeling like it's tight and can't expand. It's from the radiation. It takes about fifteen minutes and then I feel fine. As of this last week, I can't swallow breakfast anymore. My throat is too tight in the morning. Also from the radiation. But I just have a shake (which is what I want anyway) and by lunch I'm fine. Jaymee thinks that will heal itself. What else? I'm not sure if I can have any more kids and I have to wait another year and a half before I can even try. That's right. Can't even practice trying. Poor Jaym. Just kidding. I think that's all that's left. When I consider what my body went through, that's pretty awesome. Not bad at all. Hooray for modern medicine! (and blessings)

When I was looking through my pictures for that one of CE last year, I was able to see everything we had captured in the past twelve months. It truly was great. I wouldn't trade it for anything. (I don't want to do it again, but I'm glad for that one time) I'm kinda sad that I didn't capture more of everything. The people who came to help, all the stages of hair loss, etc. I was too embarrassed. By the end I didn't care, but I did at the beginning. Mel told me I'd want to see it later, but I didn't believe her. Here's some pics I didn't post while it was happening because I didn't want to freak my mom out.

Second chemo

My blistery feet (chemo side-effect)

While I don't have a lot of pictures, at least I have the blog. I'm so grateful to Mel for creating it and making me get on here. I wouldn't have documented it without her. It forced me to really contemplate what was going on and what it meant to me. All the comments and feedback got me though the tougher days. I felt so much support and like there was a bunch of people rooting for me. Thank you. I was talking to Jason Hall who was our motivational speaker at the conference. He's quadriplegic, funny and amazing. He interested me in making my blog into a book and I'm considering it. It'll be a short book, since I'm lucky enough to have only been sick for a short time, but I want to remember. I don't know. I was thinking of putting the blog and people's comments on one side and then kind of a bio of what was going on that I didn't say on the blog, i.e. doctors appointments, progress, side effects, etc. and pictures on the other. Would you guys care if I used your comments? I'm still tossing this around, but I think I might do it. If anything, I'd like to have a copy for myself and maybe a couple for Jaymeson's office. There really aren't a lot of things out there for Lymphoma. Breast cancer is the celebrity. I would have loved to have something that told me what I would go through and feel when I was sick.

ANYWAY. This one was really rambly. Sorry. It didn't really come together. I've been off my game for a couple weeks now. I've been wanting to post something about it being a year for a while now and all I got was a block. I've said everything all along though, haven't I? So what would be new? You still know that I love you, right? That's all I really want to say.

The Price of Gas

2008-09-10T13:45:00.003-05:00

Typical morning. Sienna had her first day of smart kid school and had to be at the bus stop at the school before 8:45. Normally that would be fine but my kids are still on Arizona time and have been playing "rag doll" for the last three days, forcing me to dress and feed their limp little bodies each morning. We hurried out the door only to find she had forgotten her precious papers and we had to go home and get them. When we got back to school the second time it was 8:40. That's when she realized she didn't have her backpack on. How does that happen? She takes after her dad. ANYWAY, we rush back the second time breaking all sorts of laws/land-speed records and got her back just in time to find out smart kid school was cancelled that day. Ha ha. By now my out of gas van is realllly out of gas but I figure the gym is on the way to the gas station, so I might as well stop there first. (I knew my van was really out of gas yesterday, but I like to live on the edge.) They kicked me out after I was just gettin' into my groove because Preslie has what they like to call "green boogers". They frown upon that. So we head off to the gas station and of course run out of gas. I get Miss P out of the car and walk up a long, long driveway to a house that is probably 200 years old. I knock on the door and it creaks open revealing a cobweb encrusted chandelier in front of a large staircase. All of my years of yelling at scary movies on my tv had prepared me for this moment and I knew just what to do. I didn't give my weapon and flashlight to preslie and go inside. I turned and ran away. When I got back to the car, I got the stroller and headed towards the gas station. We sang as we walked and walked and walked AND walked. I took my baby T-rex inside, bought a gas can and filled it up. On the way back to the car I flagged down a police officer and he said he couldn't help me because he has no car seat. I am barely able to carry the gas can and push the stroller through the dirt. Spirit of the law anyone? Oh well. I convince him to at least deliver the gas can. He comes back and asked me if the van with the expired tags was the right one. I told him to go ahead and give the lady who ran out of gas, survived a haunted mansion, pushed her baby two miles in the dirt in a broken stroller a ticket. "Do it", I said, "It'll make you feel great". He laughed and drove away. Phew. I got back to my car, filled her up and started to drive away. In my rear view mirror I saw my stroller still on the side of the road with my debit card in it. Ha ha. If I was intelligent, my life would be way boring. The end.

PS it is the one year anniversary of things and I have much to say. Later, I promise. (how presumptuous! You guys are all sitting by your computers - refresh! refresh! refresh! When will she ever write more about herself?? Hurry!)

You think . . .

2008-09-06T11:22:00.004-05:00

You think you locked me out of here, but you did not. Just and FYI to be nice and kind to me and send me chicks and rabbits in the mail the day after Valentines day.
Love,
Melanie

Sienna's in the Friend!

2008-08-28T21:46:00.004-05:00

The poem Sienna wrote when I was sick is in the September Friend! Melanie S. submitted it without even telling me. Sisi is so happy.

Thank You, Melanie!!

I'm Seriously So Blessed, too

2008-08-26T17:17:00.004-05:00

So my new eBFF is TAMN from Seriously So Blessed. I might even be in her top 1,000 friends. In fact, we're such good friends that I got finagled into designing some tshirts for her. Well, maybe more like I offered because I think she is so stinkin' funny. She mocks the trendy young mormon mom blog and she is spot on. BAAAAAA! Like bananas, she makes me smile every day.

Anyway, check out her blog and the new shirts. I want the diet coke one since I, too, am "off diet coke" again, again and also the "materialism makes me cry" one.

what would you give your life for?

2008-08-24T13:42:00.005-05:00

Today I taught about the Army of Helaman in The Book of Mormon to my sunday school class. As I prepared I remembered hearing the story when I was a kid and thinking,"would I join that army knowing I could die for righteousness?" I also remembered thinking, "Sure I would!!" I'd go down in a blaze of glory and be remembered with the martyrs of the gospel. I'd be a hero, right? SO as I thought of that again this week, I thought "could I give up my life for the gospel now?" It's different now, I have much more to lose. I have my family to think about. My life is bigger than when I was a kid. But as I thought it over, I again came to the conclusion that sure, I'd give my life for the gospel. At that same moment the thought came to me,"So why haven't you??" Oh. Here I am thinking I'm pretty great to be willing to go through death when it's really my LIFE the Lord wants. I say I'll give my life but some days I can't find 15 minutes to read the scriptures or pray?? Sure, I'll die for you but don't make me do my visit teaching!! That's too much to ask! I need to be willing to serve and pray. Every moment of my life. He wants me to dedicate my life to Him. These young men who were called to fight were good kids. They not only were willing to die for the truth, they had already spent their lives living for it. They were raised in good homes full of love and a testimony that the gospel of Jesus Christ was true. "Yea, and they did obey and observe to perform every word of command with exactness; yea, and even according to their faith it was done unto them; and I did remember the words which they said unto me that their mothers had taught them." I, too, was raised in home where my parents knew and loved the gospel. I've had the same opportunities they had. I need to make more of myself. The best quote in the lesson today was from President Ezra Taft Benson. He said,“Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose his life in the service of God will find eternal life”. What an awesome promise. So once again, I try to be nice and give something to the Lord and I find out He's standing there waiting to bless me even more.

Isn't God so good?

my boy

2008-08-21T11:23:00.003-05:00

i think he might be my best work so far.

Kill me.

2008-08-20T18:26:00.003-05:00

We found this in our storage room last night. it's all stuck to a sticky bug thing our Orkin guy put in there. It was still alive and ripping its skin off.

I showed the kids this morning (the picture) and Sienna was so sad that Jaymee killed it instead of being scared it was there.

Sisi's Romantic Dream

2008-08-17T21:47:00.002-05:00

Sisi is nine. She came downstairs all dancey-like and I asked her what was up. She said she had a very romantic dream. She said in it she colored a horse and then a boy put her up on the horse and then when he took her down off of it again he swung her around. She looked at him and almost fainted while saying,"I MUST BE DREAMING!!"

HA HA HA HA. Even better, who was this handsome stranger? None other than the monocled duke from Disney's Cinderella. What a crack up.

Still healthy - isn't it lovely?

2008-08-14T10:47:00.006-05:00

"Worry is Not Preparation"
The keynote speaker at Creative Escape last year said that on the very night I went to the ER in Arizona. It made an impression. I even texted it to my sister because I thought it was so important. It does no good to worry all the time. Seems like we live in the "time of worry". It's too bad. I think it's because we know too much. We hear about every single thing that goes wrong in the world and we start to think it could happen to us. Worry is not preparation. It does no good. It takes away your joy and quite frankly, shows a lack of faith. The Lord isn't going to let something happen in our life that won't help us grow and achieve some sort of greater happiness in the end. I truly believe that. I don't think that means we're immune to pain and suffering and loss. Those things happen. They're supposed to happen. They make us stronger and more like God. So if these things are ulitmately good (though sometimes almost impossible to get through) why do we spend so much time worrying?

I have been having chest pains again and even some of the same symptoms that I had at this time last year and of course I got freaked out. (I got a chest xray and I am fine - they say the pain is costochondritis - from some broken up cartilage in my ribcage due to the radiation... no big deal.) I really hate this feeling of hunching down in cancer's shadow. I never know if it's going to turn around and face me again. I hate feeling like I'm some crazy hypochondriac because I get a pain anywhere and think it's cancer. I have been running a lot lately and part of me thinks I am running from cancer. If I'm running, I'm healthy! Sick people can't run. Look at me go! I feel like if I stop, it'll catch up and get me. Worry worry. Useless worry. Like I control my fate. Worry is not preparation.

It's not coming back. I promise I don't wander around writhing my hands worrying about cancer all the time. I'm very happy. It just isn't always rosy. It isn't over even though it's over. I think it will be over, though, one day. Maybe when I hit that precious two-year mark?

We're almost to one year. Can you believe it? My cute haircut girl measured my hair. Three inches. In a year? I expected better of my follicles. They have really let me down. But I forgive them.

That's honey butter... SIR!!

2008-08-10T22:55:00.003-05:00

So I went to my friend Dave's Air Force retirement on Friday. Wow. That was really cool. I'm a civilian. I don't shop at the commersary or the BX. I don't know the rules of engagement. I drive a POV. I've never been TDY. You get the picture. So this was only one of a very few times I have been on the base. Everything is very official. Dave's former colonel flew in from California to officiate his retirement. HE was very official. I really was moved by the ceremony. I had very strong feelings about the purpose of the military and how the Lord's hand is in it. I almost signed up myself on the way out, but they don't want me - I'm damaged goods - but I digress. They made a big deal about Mami, Dave's wife, and her contributions to the success of the air force because she has been such a support to him. Every company should do that. They gave his kids each a certificate thanking them for supporting him, too. I just can't say enough about how neat I thought the whole thing was. Congrats, David. 25 Years... I was six when you started... USA! USA!

So then there was food and a little linger-longer afterwards. Dave came up holding a plate with some of Mami's award-winning bread and two piles of some sort of spread. The Colonel was standing beside me and asked Dave what the spreads were. He thought one was honey butter and the other was mayo.(This story gets better, I promise) Then Mami says,"No, this one is mayo and that one is honey butter..." This went on for a while. Everyone has an opinion. Finally, I couldn't take it any more so I stuck my finger in one of them and licked it. "It's honey butter", I said. Dave proceeded to hand the plate over to the colonel who then thanked me for solving his dilemma. I thought the food was Dave's. I stuck my finger in the officer's butter. OH BOY.

If you ever need somebody to be really tacky - I'm your gal.

No one understands me.

2008-08-02T22:08:00.002-05:00

We went to a "grizzlies" game with the kids - they're a local baseball team - and i was standing in line with Mason for a jumphouse. There was a guy behind us with his little boy who was wearing a big spongy-foam grizzly bear paw with long foam claws sticking off it. I said,"Ooh, Nature has dealt your son a cruel hand." He said,"I bought it for him."

Vampires

2008-08-02T12:54:00.001-05:00

i AM NOT in love with a VAMPIRE!!!

Melanie is grounded from my blog.

Delicious and Fun

2008-07-31T10:17:00.003-05:00

Got a wicked child? Trying to incorporate more evil into lunchtime? Here is an idea (surprisingly rejected by Family Fun Magazine) for you to try:

Babies for Lunch

Swaddle hot dogs in buttermilk biscuits, draw little sleeping eyes with your very favorite non-toxic marker and place in pan. Then have your real baby sing lullabies and give them each a kiss goodnight. Place in oven pre-heated to 375° while your four year-old laughs maniacally. Cook babies for ten minutes. Serve with blood-red ketchup.

Right on Target

2008-07-25T23:17:00.004-05:00

There must be opposition in all things. Dark/light. Day/night. wal*mart/TARGET. We can't appreciate one without the other. I hate hate hate going to wal*mart. (You know this). TARGET, on the other hand, is my happy place. So I was dreading going to wal*mart today for groceries when my friend reminded me that there was a new TARGET and it was a SUPER TARGET. I thought, "That's a little redundant ... like saying Super Superman." But then she told me that meant there would be groceries there. So that turned my frown upside down and I was on my way. It was not as close as I would have liked but it would be worth it, I was sure of it. When I got there, there was a big sign that said,"Open July 27". Bummer. But there were cars in the parking lot so I drove up to the front and one of the heros in red was out front. I rolled down my window and he said,"you can come in and shop if you want - we could use the practice." It was like the Disneyland Dream Squad all over again. Seriously. So I went in. It was glorious. Clean and new. Other heros in red got excited when they saw me there and began to follow me around.

Can I help you find something?
Can I get something down for you?
Cool new carts, huh?
You smell nice.
Please let me help you.
No, me!

At one point there were four following me. I really thought they might of been dancing behind me as I walked - not unlike "I Think I'm Gonna Like it Here" a la Annie. I would turn around really fast and they would pretend to be straightening something on a shelf or tying their shoes. They were wish, wish, wishing I would need help. Too bad I could don a red shirt myself and tell people the location of any product in that store.

Unfortunately, however, the Super in Super TARGET wasn't so super. They didn't have many groceries and the ones they did have were overpriced. But it was worth the trip. One of my fantasies came true. It was like I got a Make-A-Wish even though I'm all better. I'll check it off the list. Now on to working in a cranberry bog...