Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Miracles

When you've been given a miracle as big as your LIFE, it's hard to ask for more. I've seen my share of miracles. I've been part of miracles.

During our first year of medical school we quickly ran out of money. I was working part time at a florist while Jaymee watched Sienna while studying at home. Other days, I babysat for a very generous family in our ward. But it wasn't enough. We were broke and still had a lot of bills coming up before our next loan in January. We tallied them up and figured if we only ate ramen noodles until January, we could get by on $478. We didn't tell our family. But we did tell Heavenly Father. We told Him that we had paid our tithing our whole lives and we needed the windows of heaven to open up and dump out $478. The next day I took Sienna out to get the mail and there was a card from Jaymee's grandma Blanche. Odd, she had never written us before. I opened the card and a check for $500 fell out. The note said,"I felt like you needed this." She is not well off and had never given us money before. She's a good lady whom Heavenly Father felt he could inspire and she would respond with generosity. I cried and cried. I still do. But here's the kicker - the next day I went out to the mailbox and there was a card from my grandma Tot. With a check. For $500. And a note about how she felt we needed it. So not only were we blessed with what we needed, the Lord blessed us double. Miracle.

Which brings me to today. When I had cancer, I asked the Lord to spare my life. My prayers were answered and I have felt so humbled and grateful for the gift that I haven't felt like I could ask for more. But there was something I wanted. I felt strongly that my family was incomplete. I didn't feel like I deserved it and had already been given too much. Mami told me it was ok to ask because it was a righteous desire. So we started asking. And fasting. No one more than Sienna. She asked in every prayer. Every blessing on the food.

When I went to see my oncologist in April, I told her we had been trying but with no luck. She told me that was crazy. I already have four beautiful kids and I'M ALIVE. Wasn't that enough? And she thought the world was overpopulated anyway. I left feeling sad and wishing I could be satisfied. I really wanted to be satisfied. I felt ungrateful! But I wasn't satisfied.

Next I started seeing my OB. I told him what I wanted and he was not hopeful. I got a lot of tests and bloodwork done and he was even less hopeful. He called me with the results and offered his condolences. According to my FSH levels, I was probably out of viable eggs and would enter menopause soon because of all the intense chemo. Chemo scrambled my eggs. I was devastated. Why would I feel so strongly about something that wasn't possible. Something whispered to me that it wasn't in the doctors' hands. It might of been the Spirit, but I think it was Jaymee. He felt everything would be ok one way or another. I wanted to mourn. Sienna wanted to pray harder and fast more.

In September, I missed a period. Hooray! I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. Dang. My doctor said I was probably starting THE CHANGE. (Is that what people call it? Weird. Like we're gremlins that ate after midnight or something). Then I missed a period in October. I was crying about being fully in menopause to Mami one day. After she left I walked inside, smelled something funny and promptly puked. Wha?? I had another pregnancy test laying around and even though I wasn't hopeful, I decided to use it. Instantly positive! PREGNANT!! Miracle.

I went to my oncologist and was scared to tell her. She said it was time to schedule a scan and I said that we couldn't because... I'm pregnant. She jumped out of her chair and grabbed me and hugged and hugged. She said,"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! I didn't think it was possible and didn't want you to get your hopes up!" She hadn't had any patients go through as much and as intense of chemo as I did get pregnant. Miracle.

My OB was astonished, too. When I walked in he said,"Well look who it is! Miss I Get Everything I Want." I reminded him that I've had things I didn't want, too.

So $500 AND $500. I got to live AND I get to have a baby. I believe in miracles. I feel so loved and blessed.

I'm 3 months along and had another ultrasound today. Baby was sucking its fingers.


21 comments:

Adrienne said...

Best thing ever. Congratulations.

Krista said...

I am soo thrilled for you that I am crying. Congratulations! Miracles never cease as long as there is faith.

Emily said...

Beautiful! Congratulations.

jennifer said...

I have tears in my eyes, I remember you telling me at the ski resort that you were wanting to have another baby and what your OB had told you. I've never been happier...Shalon, now you! Wow, how the lord blesses us. Congrats Shelby...you have amazing faith and are an amazing mom and I'm so happy that your family is having the chance to grow.

Queenie Bee said...

Okay now your blog is making me cry...I am so so so excited for you and your wonderful family! YahOOO!

Darcie said...

So so so so so so happy for you Shelby. What a wonderful post.

Jennie Taylor said...

Congratulations!!! We are so happy for you! Now we need to come visit even more! Love you guys!

Lindsey said...

That such great news! I am so thrilled for your family. Congratulations.

stacia said...

i almost always cry when i read your blog... sooo happy for you shelby! you deserve to get everything you want and more! xoxo

Nancy said...

Shelby, I had a feeling long, long ago that there would still be one more for you. What a blessing for a family that deserves it! Good for Sienna, too! We love you! Maybe your Mom at her farewell was right after all. Who else will in your family is expecting?

THE PACK FAMILY said...

Shel-I'm so happy for you! You're amazing and you'll have another sweet little one to add to your family! Congrats!

Noisy Smiles said...

I am a total blog stalker...just wanted you to know that this post was an answer to some desperate prayers...needed to hear this today...can a blog be an answer to prayers? :) thanks!

Ashley said...

Amazing! Life is beautiful in its surprises and miracles.

Elise Herzberg said...

Truly an amazing miracle. You are so blessed by everything you have. God certainly has the plans for us. May God continue to bless you and your family throughout your journey! Congratulations again Shelby. I can't be more happier for you!!

Kathryn Sutton said...

That is so awesome and amazing! I love reading your comments and posts. Add my name to your list of fans. You are always there for a boost to my testimony or for a good laugh. Thanks. By the way if we continue to follow each other on the whole kid thing number 5 is a girl.

Katie Price said...

This still makes me cry. I honestly can't believe it, but at the same time it seems so simple. I'm so happy for you guys. So many miracles. I have learned so much through being part of this family. I love you. Take good care of yourself.

kimber said...

Congratulations Shelby! You so deserve it after all you've been through and your amazing faith. Your an inspiration!

Toria said...

Wow! What a lucky little baby and a blessed family. your testimony of faith has been in my thoughts all weekend. I am thrilled for you- and blessed by your example.
ONE of these YEARS I will see you again!

Rebecca said...

That wonderful news! We are super happy for you guys. Congrats! Rand and Rebecca

Amy K said...

Couldn't happen to a more wonderful couple and family! I am so excited for you!! I can't believe it. Denise told me over Thanksgiving in Utah and my jaw dropped to the ground. Miracles never cease. Thank you for reminding us all. I am so so so happy for you.
Love, amy.

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