Friday, February 29, 2008

sometimes i get frustrated

Ok, so I need to point out that I don't have half an inch of hair. Jaymee says it's more like a quarter at most. Lately it seems like it's not growing at all. People are all very nice and say that it's so great and I "look great with velcro for hair!" That's all good and fine, but lately I've been a little frustrated. It was so much easier to deal with the no hair thing when I had cancer. Because I had cancer. That's why I look like this. Cancer. But now, I don't have cancer anymore. So I don't want to look like this anymore. I feel like such a loser complaining because I'm not sick anymore and I have my energy back and I'm getting my strength back and life is good. SO why am I so vain? WHy do I care about these dumb leftover cosmetic effects? Whenever I start caring too much about my appearance I want to beat myself up. But I'm too wimpy and I might lose. I really feel like I don't care, but here I am caring. My brain knows it's ridiculous and a HUGE waste of time. It's even more unattractive than being unattractive. I'll stop now. I promise. I'm happy to be healthy. Really. Just wanted to vent.

Today is the last day of our "No Sugar February". Stupid leap year. I could be eating Chicks and Rabbits TODAY. The girls were awesome. They made it the whole month. They took Valentine's Day off, but other than that they were perfect. I'm so proud of them. They are proud of themselves, too. It was a good thing... and I'm glad it's over. Jaymeson lost seven pounds. Jerk. I didn't lose any. Lamebot. I don't really know what else I can do. Anybody out there have Nike+ and want to race me? Brittany is too good. Oh well. The good news is that I am getting stronger. I like that. I'm feeling human again.When I was in the midst of my treatments I was a BooBah. Have you seen that horrible show? That is what I looked and felt like.

Wah wah wah.

Love to you.

8 comments:

Jen said...

Shelby, I'm so sorry :(

MH72 said...

I get why you beat yourself up on these thoughts, I think I would too. But could it be that your impatience is a good thing - I mean, could it be yet another sign of your recovering? I don't know as I haven't walked your shoes (and definitelly not runned in those Nikes - I am NOT a runner **LOL**). But from my perspective your impatience is a good thing...

Katie Price said...

Wow, good thing I didn't pick up an extra bag of chicks and rabbits to send to you. I almost did. I hate when you guys do that no sugar thing. It makes me feel guilty.

Quit apologizing for complaining. I whine every day about myself, and I still have all my hair.

Remember when I was out there, and I was complaining about how trashed my hair was, and you and Jaymee just looked at me and said "wah wah wah". Yeah, that was real classy of me. Love you!

JD and Adrienne said...

Shelby,
I came accross your blog a couple weeks ago through a friends blog, and I just have to tell you that you are truly inspiring. I visit every so often to see how you're doing (I know, probably very creepy), but I love reading your story. It makes me laugh and cry, and your positive attitude and faith lift me up. Also, I noticed a connection...I'm married to JD White who is Brock Cima's cousin, your friend Amy's husband. (Such a small Mormon world:) Tell them we say hi if you remember. Anyways, I'm so happy to hear that you're cancer free! Hooray!
Love,
Adrienne White

Barefoot Gypsy Girl said...

You cute thing....complain all you want. You are entitled to anything including beautiful, silky, long hair. You've earned it and then some. So glad to hear you are feeling better.

If you or your readers want to try for a free pair of toddler shoes, visit my blog and enter. xo

Jenn said...

Shelby- You can whine all you want! Even those of us who have hair whine and we are the ones who shouldn't!
So this no sugar Feb. thing, fyi- I was not in the loop. A whole 29 days without sugar? Good for you and the girls! That is awesome and you are still a ROCKSTAR from the bottom of my heart!

Brooke said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melanie Boyer said...

You are definitely allowed to be impatient with your hair. You are allowed to feel whatever you want, guilt-free. All of our feelings get equal play- happiness, sadness, impatience, whatever. I"m glad you're impatient with your hair- means you're feeling better!