I went to visit my new house today. We had a good chat. I welcomed it to the family. I told it that we'd be friends forever. I told it that as a member of my family, it will get lots of love but I can't always guarantee that it will be clean. Like my kids, it was a big struggle to get and I couldn't be happier. I realize it will be a lot of work, but so worth it. This house is really mine and I don't have to worry about not changing things to suit my own personal style because of resale. I can make forts out in the forest and dams in the stream. Mason and I can sit on the end of a (future) pier and fish for fish... or snapping turtles. I can paint things and knock out walls. Oooh! House doesn't know what hit it! This is going to be awesome. Come over, ok?
Here is something else. The other night I took my kids to Gator's and as I got them all out, I waited by the door of the van looking inside and Sienna said,"who are you looking for?" I counted my kids and realized they were all there and shook off the weird feeling that they weren't. But then I had the same feeling on Wednesday when I was getting all the kids into the car for Sisi's piano lesson. I don't think I'm a freaky person that has lots of weird premonitions or anything like that, but it was a very real feeling. So, you know, I hope this means that in the future - way in the future - I might be able to have another baby. I am not allowed to even try until 2 years from my last radiation treatment... so that means January 2010... and we might not be able to have any more anyway because of the effects of the chemo. Yet, I'm hopeful. I know, I know - I already have four and they are dirty and have their shoes on the wrong feet. But I love them. I feel like whether I can have one on my own or have to adopt or something in the future, there's another one out there. Remind me in a couple years when I say,"ARE YOU CRAZY?? NOW WAY!"
Wow. That was personal.
4 comments:
I love you Shelby. You will have more children because if you can't carry them, I'll do it for you. That's how much I love you. You know how I feel about being pregnant. There are more Stroud babies out there. You guys are too good of parents to be done with only four. Thanks for sharing this. I miss you.
Reading about your experience at Gator's totally gave me chills... the good kind!!
I hope you get to complete your family. Loved the post.
Personal's good. I think you guys should have more kids - you're so good with giving them what they really need, which isn't always a bath and shoes on the right feet. And...I know the feeling about the Gator experience. Such an amazing feeling.
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