boys vs. girls

i've been around long enough to notice some subtle differences between boys and girls. I've even noticed some physical differences over the years. But that's not what I'm talking about. It's the other stuff that has got me thinking. I'm speaking in humongous generalities here, so forgive me. When we're little, the boys were better at sports - mostly - and girls were nicer - mostly. Boys played with dinosaurs and trucks - obligatory "mostly" - and girls played with dolls and dress-up. As we got older, boys would punch us and we would tease them. They would get a long by not saying much to each other and we would gossip ourselves out of as many friendships as we could in the time allotted. SO time goes on and the sexes separate more and more.

Then you get married. By then you're as different as night and day. He does the "boy jobs" and you do the "girl jobs". He takes out the trash and mows the lawn and goes to work. Occasionally, he lifts heavy things, opens jars or puts something together. He is in charge of your homes "technology" - anything from a little toy car that has a battery in it to the dvd player and YOUR computer. He takes care of anything that is high or dangerous. He must also wildly throw around any people you two have made together. His "poop" duties only include his own or a large dog's - if you have one. These jobs can be done when time allows.

As a girl, you get to make more people, feed and clothe those people (and your husband). You are in charge of all poop. You must remember all birthdays and maintain all family relationships. You have to organize a social calendar and provide babysitters so all functions can be attended. You have to look great all the time. You have to know the stars of your local sports team and why you love them SO MUCH. It goes without saying that shopping, laundry and dishes are girl jobs. If they weren't, there would be no really funny jokes out there about being kicked. These things must be done every day.

That's not to say that you can't help each other out once in a while. My husband is great, in fact when he's feelin' it - he's better than I am at most things. He helps out a lot when he's in the mood. That's the beauty of being a dude, I think. You can pick and choose what you want to do and when. If you choose to help out around the house, you get showered with praise and other valuable prizes. If you don't - you get in big trouble but you still get to eat and have clothes and people to throw around.

I sound like a hater. I am not a hater. I'm a lover. I just made the mistake of trying to pick and choose what I wanted to do instead of sticking to my girl jobs. I didn't want to unload the car and clean up the big mess that 3300+ miles can do to a van. I didn't want to make meals appear from a house that hadn't seen groceries in two weeks. So I thought WWJD? (That's What Would Jaymee Do, in case you were wondering.) So I jumped on the lawn mower and got to mowing the lawn instead. I was helping. I got to listen to music, drink something cold and refreshing and kids weren't even allowed near me. Perfect. Why can't I? I can sit on a machine and drive around like any man can.

Except that I rolled the lawnmower and wrecked it.

Anybody want me to make dinner?