Thursday, July 17, 2008

boys vs. girls

i've been around long enough to notice some subtle differences between boys and girls. I've even noticed some physical differences over the years. But that's not what I'm talking about. It's the other stuff that has got me thinking. I'm speaking in humongous generalities here, so forgive me. When we're little, the boys were better at sports - mostly - and girls were nicer - mostly. Boys played with dinosaurs and trucks - obligatory "mostly" - and girls played with dolls and dress-up. As we got older, boys would punch us and we would tease them. They would get a long by not saying much to each other and we would gossip ourselves out of as many friendships as we could in the time allotted. SO time goes on and the sexes separate more and more.

Then you get married. By then you're as different as night and day. He does the "boy jobs" and you do the "girl jobs". He takes out the trash and mows the lawn and goes to work. Occasionally, he lifts heavy things, opens jars or puts something together. He is in charge of your homes "technology" - anything from a little toy car that has a battery in it to the dvd player and YOUR computer. He takes care of anything that is high or dangerous. He must also wildly throw around any people you two have made together. His "poop" duties only include his own or a large dog's - if you have one. These jobs can be done when time allows.

As a girl, you get to make more people, feed and clothe those people (and your husband). You are in charge of all poop. You must remember all birthdays and maintain all family relationships. You have to organize a social calendar and provide babysitters so all functions can be attended. You have to look great all the time. You have to know the stars of your local sports team and why you love them SO MUCH. It goes without saying that shopping, laundry and dishes are girl jobs. If they weren't, there would be no really funny jokes out there about being kicked. These things must be done every day.

That's not to say that you can't help each other out once in a while. My husband is great, in fact when he's feelin' it - he's better than I am at most things. He helps out a lot when he's in the mood. That's the beauty of being a dude, I think. You can pick and choose what you want to do and when. If you choose to help out around the house, you get showered with praise and other valuable prizes. If you don't - you get in big trouble but you still get to eat and have clothes and people to throw around.

I sound like a hater. I am not a hater. I'm a lover. I just made the mistake of trying to pick and choose what I wanted to do instead of sticking to my girl jobs. I didn't want to unload the car and clean up the big mess that 3300+ miles can do to a van. I didn't want to make meals appear from a house that hadn't seen groceries in two weeks. So I thought WWJD? (That's What Would Jaymee Do, in case you were wondering.) So I jumped on the lawn mower and got to mowing the lawn instead. I was helping. I got to listen to music, drink something cold and refreshing and kids weren't even allowed near me. Perfect. Why can't I? I can sit on a machine and drive around like any man can.

Except that I rolled the lawnmower and wrecked it.

Anybody want me to make dinner?

13 comments:

Katie Price said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha. perhaps we should just stick to our jobs. although i think unloading the car and cleaning it out are boy jobs. i hate doing that. that's what you get for trying to be helpful.

gcashton said...

I'm going to make sure my husband doesn't read this--he'll think he's missing out on some "valuable prizes."

Kathryn Sutton said...

You are a great story teller. Have you ever thought of doing it professionally in all your spare time?

Krista said...

So funny and terrible at the same time. Hope you're okay.

Kathy Nevin said...

Everyday I get up and wonder - has Shelby added a new story to her blog today? Did you know that some days, you are the only entertainment I get?

Welcome home!

MH72 said...

Oh yes - that is how it is in Denmark too :-) Except from the lawnmover, as I have never destroyed ours HA-HA :-)

BTW, I think your story about our pictures from Croatia is better and more child-save than the REAL story... Or maybe not... but you will never know except if you take some Danish lessons *LOL*!!!!

Anonymous said...

oh my goodness... how did you roll the lawnmower! Can't wait to hear that one...

B said...

Wow Shelby, I finally have more time at work (consequence of staying one month later than all your peers) and I was going through old emails--I found the email where jaymeson emailed the blog to those of us at work. And so I clicked on it. . . and read the entire thing (I wasn't kidding about having more time right now). I am amazed at your journey and all that you have gone through--in addition to your wonderful sense of humor, artistic talent and amazing writing abilities. Your blog is wonderful: I laughed, cried, smiled. . . (my colleagues at work must think I'm nuts) You should make this a book, and certainly keep adding to it. I am very fortunate to have known Jaymeson through residency, and I now have maybe 1/800th of an idea of what all you, he, and your family has gone through. Your strength is amazing.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Kathy some days I just need to laugh and your blog definitely does that for me. I know exactly what your saying, but how did I get stuck with mowing the grass and taking out the trash?
Annette Miller

Anonymous said...

Oh how I miss you Shel! I'll come and clean out your car and do your grocery shopping if you show me how to roll a lawn mower...how fast were you going!! I say next time you get some of those people you made out there to clean up their own messes! Love your story. It's up there with OZ.
Melanie Stroud

Andrea said...

You've got some seriously bad Karma with lawn mowers - didn't you kill a turtle that way too? The force is telling you to stop mowing the lawn.....sorry girlfriend. I keep picturing you and a riding lawn mower tumbling down your hill like in Princess Bride.

Natalie said...

um...I am quite confident that you have been spying on me because you just described perfectly my life. Only i didn't drive 3300 miles (it was only like 500). And i didn't roll our lawn mower because that would have been nearly impossible since it is a push mower. I did however put a chemical in it that made my mower very, very ill. It makes vomity/coughing sounds now every time Ryan mows the lawn. It makes him shake his head and it makes me laugh.
Anyways, quit spying on me. Thank you.

Nikki said...

If it wasn't so darn helpful that my husband is better at my jobs than me, I'd probably be jealous. I also find myself getting more and more helpless, in direct ratio to the amount of jobs my husband is willing to do FOR me. I used to be independent, now my arms are painted on.

Sorry we couldn't meet for lunch, but I've been moving again and couldn't have made it either.