Thursday, August 14, 2008

Still healthy - isn't it lovely?

"Worry is Not Preparation"
The keynote speaker at Creative Escape last year said that on the very night I went to the ER in Arizona. It made an impression. I even texted it to my sister because I thought it was so important. It does no good to worry all the time. Seems like we live in the "time of worry". It's too bad. I think it's because we know too much. We hear about every single thing that goes wrong in the world and we start to think it could happen to us. Worry is not preparation. It does no good. It takes away your joy and quite frankly, shows a lack of faith. The Lord isn't going to let something happen in our life that won't help us grow and achieve some sort of greater happiness in the end. I truly believe that. I don't think that means we're immune to pain and suffering and loss. Those things happen. They're supposed to happen. They make us stronger and more like God. So if these things are ulitmately good (though sometimes almost impossible to get through) why do we spend so much time worrying?

I have been having chest pains again and even some of the same symptoms that I had at this time last year and of course I got freaked out. (I got a chest xray and I am fine - they say the pain is costochondritis - from some broken up cartilage in my ribcage due to the radiation... no big deal.) I really hate this feeling of hunching down in cancer's shadow. I never know if it's going to turn around and face me again. I hate feeling like I'm some crazy hypochondriac because I get a pain anywhere and think it's cancer. I have been running a lot lately and part of me thinks I am running from cancer. If I'm running, I'm healthy! Sick people can't run. Look at me go! I feel like if I stop, it'll catch up and get me. Worry worry. Useless worry. Like I control my fate. Worry is not preparation.

It's not coming back. I promise I don't wander around writhing my hands worrying about cancer all the time. I'm very happy. It just isn't always rosy. It isn't over even though it's over. I think it will be over, though, one day. Maybe when I hit that precious two-year mark?

We're almost to one year. Can you believe it? My cute haircut girl measured my hair. Three inches. In a year? I expected better of my follicles. They have really let me down. But I forgive them.

12 comments:

MH72 said...

So strange. This morning (on my way to work!) I thought of you and wondered how you dealt with this is-cancer-comming-back-fear. As I asumed that you had to think like that at least sometimes.
And now (when it is early evening in Denmark) I look at your blog and you write this. Too strange...
I think I understand you and how you feel. I guess all of us from time to time have some kind of "is this or that going to hit me" fear, but obviously you must feel it even stronger as you have been there.
Glad to read you are ok :-)

gcashton said...

This is just me putting my stamp of approval on everything you said. Just what you wanted, right? I know our experiences are very different, but seemingly impossible trials nonetheless. Worrying does no good. I have people ask me that all the time, "Do you worry that it will happen again? ; or "Are you super ultra protective of your kids now?" Questions like that seem to trivialize the role the Lord plays in our lives. It's like suggesting that our lives are left completely up to chance--which is ridiculous.
Still, sometimes we can't help but worry. I can't imagine going through all that you have--what an incredible year. Like you said, bad things sometimes happen, but worrying about it does no good. It only serves to rob of us of happiness and peace.
Wow, this is turning into a whole long thing. Really, what I meant to say is...thank you for your nice comments on my blog--they were greatly appreciated. You're an awesome example to me. I'm wishing you a "worry-free" day.

Christy Hiniker said...

Wow! Your perspective on life is quite amazing. Thank you. I'm so happy things are going well for you!

I think I'll try to worry a little less today....


(....says the random AZ blog stalker from Melanie's ward. hi.)

Cheryl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cheryl said...

Thanks for this post Shelby because I worry...all the time. I can't sleep at night thinking of things I forgot to do, things that could happen to Ty after I drop him off at school, why I don't feel as sick as I think I should with this pregnancy....and the list goes on. Worry is not preparation...I like that. I'm also glad for the reminder that the Lord isn't going to let anything happen to us that won't help us grow. I know the trials we are dealt with are things that not only we can handle but that strengthen us if we have faith in the Lord, whether they be financial, emotional or physical. I saw a talk on BYUTV once about weaknesses (for me...worrying etc.) and how they are really gifts. Our weaknesses help us to turn to and rely on the Lord for help in overcoming them. So I am grateful to an extent for this weakness of mine because I have so much more to talk with the Lord about and as I feel him lift me up, my faith grows. Wow, that was too long. The end.

Kathy Nevin said...

I love this post! Thanks! I worry about the stupidist things -- like, all the investments that we've made over the past hundred years (during our married life) and we've done without things to make those investments for our future -- will we have a future when we're ready for it? Will we be infirmed and not be able to use it except for medical bills? Will the money be there or will the government have trashed everything and our investments will be worthless? Will we have to sell our house so we can go on a mission? Ugh! Useless to worry.

Illinios Wrights said...

I'm so glad your cancer is not back and that it's just cartilage.

"Don't Worry Be Happy" - Bobby Mcferrin

I just watched the video clip on You Tube. It's so silly! Look it up. There's one with Robin Williams and another with animals.

Anonymous said...

And to think I was there listening to the same presentation and it impacted you so profoundly right when you needed it most. Funny how God works, isn't it... or should I say it's "beautiful how God works". I can't wait to stand next to you and listen to this year's presentation. I wonder what kind of message He will reveal to us this time..... (besides, don't eat the broccoli!)
Love you, see you soon. Lisa Brennan

Natalie said...

I was watching Extreme Home Makeover (don't judge and yes I cry EVERY SINGLE EPISODE) and the dad was really sick and not going to make it. The line that he always told his wife became their mantra. It was "there's a lot to think about, but nothing to worry about." I love that quote. Your post reminded me of that.

Tami G. said...

Hooray for almost one year. What a gift. I'm so grateful.

Melanie said...

I worry that you worry. I worry that you'll have to go through this again someday - but more than the worry, I rejoice that you are still with us and I'm happy beyond messure everytime my phone rings, "Popular" from Wicked because that ring just belongs to you. I am happy everytime I talk to you and you make me laugh out loud so hard. I am happy when I read comments like this on your blog and I learn and glean more from your great example. I am happy that you remind me so much of dad and what a super attitude he had and taught us. So I can honestly say that happiness fills more of my soul than worry and I'm going to try harder to find the joy and stop wasting time with the worry. I love you Shelby.

go boo boo said...

It is lovely. You are one tough and inspiring lady.