Thursday, March 12, 2009

Happy Birthday, Dad



Today my dad would have been 62 years old.

Sometimes I let this day come and go and try to be as normal and fine as I can. Usually, then when the day is over I sit down and wrap my hands around my knees in a shadowy corner of my heart and rock myself to sleep saying,"It's ok. It's how it was supposed to be. Don't be sad. You'll see him again one day. He knows you still. He knows Jaymee. He loves your kids." I try not to remember that sometimes I forget. It feels better to forget that you're forgetting certain mannerisms or what he liked to eat.

I have been missing him so much lately. He's been in my dreams and in my awake-time dreams, too. I try to imagine what we'd say to each other. What I'd want to tell him or show him. I feel like I'm more like him now than I was when he was here and we'd get along so well. Boy, would we be mad at Obama. And he'd have my same 44oz diet dr pepper with vanilla (easy ice) at Sonic. I'd probably tease him a little about how I didn't quit my chemo and he did. But then he'd remind me that he still worked the whole time and I'd shut up real fast. He'd do a lot of graphic design with me. It would have suited him perfectly. The blending of art and technology. Technology was his favorite color. Although, if you asked him, he'd say,"sky-blue yellow". I remember that.

So today, I decided instead of just getting by, I thought I'd remember. I did things I thought he would have enjoyed doing with me. I went to Sonic, test drove some cool cars and found some jewelry for my girls. It was plastic, but it was jewelry and I gave it to them from their Grandpa Ron. A few days ago when I was cleaning out our basement (he wouldn't have enjoyed that) I opened boxes that I never opened the last time we moved and found a tape he made for us just before he died. It had Father's Blessings and then on the other side, him talking to his best friend Bob Weaver about my mom and each of us and what his hopes and thoughts were. It's very sweet. I haven't listened to it for about 10 years. I thought it was lost. I located a tape player - seriously, I had to call around... no tape players anymore??? Then I bought a bunch of my dad's favorite treats - circus peanuts, ginger snaps, etc. and my kids and I sprawled out on the floor watching the ceiling, eating treats and listening to him talk. Even though I was 17 when he recorded it, it's still pretty accurate. He knew me well.

Camryn said she was sad he died. I'm certainly happy he lived and I got to be a part of it.

P.S. If you're sick of looking for a great present for my dad on his 60th birthday, how about donating to our Stop It  Run next month? Just a thought...

15 comments:

go boo boo said...

so sweet. happy birthday to your dad.

MarySue said...

I remember your dad always had a smile on his handsome face. He had a smile for everyone it seemed. I hope you find comfort in his love. I understand a bit of your feelings since my mom died when she was 44. I still miss and long for her.

Adrienne said...

I've been scared of August 30th for a while but I think I'll have to do what you did and make it more fun. I got a time capsule in the mail this week from my sophomore year of seminary with my dad's testimony and goals for me. Hooray for those last little bits. And hooray for dads.

Carrie said...

Your dad was an amazing man, Shelby. My dad still talks about how he misses him and that he was one of the most wonderful people that he ever has associated with.

Jodi said...

I remember your dad..thanks for the memories! I still have a piece of jewelry he designed for me when I was in the JJ Singers! I'm so glad you had so much time on this earth to share with your dad, something that my children will never have. I'm glad you appreciate it! Happy Birthday, Mr. Price!

Christy said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. From the few comments I've read, it sounds like he was an amazing person.

I think you inherited that from him too....

MarySue said...

Me again. I forwarded a link to this post to Bob and Cheryl W. Bob called tonight and told me how much he appreciated reading this and what a gifted writer you are. He would like to have your email address so he can keep in touch with you. How can we work this dear girl?

stacia said...

you have such a way with words... there is no doubt in my mind that your dad was an amazing person. you both are!

Katie Price said...

This made me cry. I miss him and I didn't even get to know him. Trav always tells me I would have loved him.

I have felt very close to him lately. Strange since I didn't even know him while he was here. But I love being with my baby, and knowing he was recently with his grandpa. It's not much of a replacement, but it's something. I love you and him.

Nancy said...
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Rod and Kandace said...

Shelby...what a sweet tribute to your dad. It made me realize how much I take for granted all the dear people I have in my life. Thanks for reminding. You really are a talented writer.

Toria said...

what a special way to spend the day. I can't even imagine what that loss feels like, but I am touched and motivated by your example to enjoy and value the small things, and to laugh about other things. I love your eternal perspective. Thank you for inspiring me.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday to your Dad! I so take for granted my own parents who are living, I maybe talk to them once a month on the phone. I need to do better or should I say I will do better.

Annette M.

Jenn said...

Shelby- you made me cry! I think of the girls and how they'll be when they are older without their mom. I hope that I can give them the details they want. I hope some day we can lay on the floor and eat her favorite treats and tell stories. I will do that with them soon! You are an amazing woman and your dad would... is so proud of you, because how could he not be!

Tami G. said...

You ARE like him. If there weren't computers or digital things you proabably would have been a jeweler or some other form of fine artist. Remember when he hired us to paint the windows of his store and we did something so wrong that it peeled off within 8 hours? That was the most botched product anyone ever paid for. He was too nice to say so.