sept 15

hi everyone. i am here hoping that i'll be able to leave this morning. This past week has FLOWN by. I can't believe i've been in the hospital for a week. WHat a strange week. 8 days ago i was working at a show in Arizona. I had sneaked... snook?... into jaymee's email and had seen that a radiation Oncology group here in st. louis wants to hire him. I was all stressed out - what should we do? they want to take us to dinner and i have nothing to wear! What side of the river would we live on? Can i really resist a big house? My hair is too stripey. These were my most important thoughts. Perhaps that is why the golden hammer bonked me on the head and said,"Hey shallow! take this!"

So i'm now a week later and all i can feel is gratitude. I've seen up close the love that has always been around me. My husband was a crumpled up dollar (to steal a phrase from sienna). My mom forgot herself and her fears and jumped on a plane and got here as fast as she could. I have every friend and family member praying and asking when they can come out to help me. my lawn has been mowed. my house has been cleaned. my kids have had a great week playing with their friends. My ward is all standing with their hand in the air saying, "pick me! ooh ooh! Let me do something!" It's overwhelming. I am so grateful.

I honestly haven't been scared or worried for even one second. And that's not because i'm so great as all you say. It has not been a decision i had to make. It's just the way I feel and i know it's from the Holy Ghost. Jeff gave me a great blessing and i told sienna about it and she has reassured everyone around her,"Mom is going to be fine. She got a blessing and is hogging the Holy Ghost". I feel like there is this huge blanket of peace all around and anyone who wants it just needs to crawl under and pull a portion of it up to their chin. It's big enough for everyone. That's why everyone who wants to - gets to feel this same peace i do. What a loving Heavenly Father to provide us with that.

Last night I was a little uncomfortable and I thought to myself,"This whole ordeal will make me better understand the trials my dad went through and it can make us closer." His was much much worse than mine, but i'm still grateful to get a taste so that i can better understand him and remember him. That's when it hit me. This is why the atonement took place. This is why our Savior took on not only our sins, but our illnesses and pains. So he can know what we are going through and it can make us much closer. It's something I have known all my life but never felt as strongly as I do now. I am truly humbled that someone as beautiful and perfect and important as my Savior would take the time to find out how i will feel going through this little hurdle so he can succor me. Mami told me this week that Jeffrey R. Holland said "succor" means "run to".